


Give 'Em Hell, Kid

by Lyra (Lyra_87)



Series: My Way Home Is Through You [1]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Childhood Friends, F/M, First Love, High School, Teen Angst, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-07
Updated: 2014-10-27
Packaged: 2018-01-07 21:21:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 32,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1124529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyra_87/pseuds/Lyra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prequel to My Way Home is Through You.</p><p>'I can’t pin point the moment I fell in love. To be honest, I don’t think there was a defining ‘moment’ where I suddenly fell madly in love. I would like to think it was a gradual thing, built up over years so quietly and subtly that when it hit it hit hard.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

## Chapter One

  
I can’t pin point the moment I fell in love. To be honest, I don’t think there was a defining ‘moment’ where I suddenly fell madly in love. I would like to think that it was a gradual thing, built up over years so quietly and subtly that when it hit, it hit me harder than a ton of bricks.  
I do, however, remember the moment I realised I was in love. It wasn’t a big, dramatic moment like they make you believe on television. It was just one of those moments were everything seemed to stop as the realisation dawned on me with uncomfortable clarity.

It was just an ordinary day during the summer. We were out causing trouble as we always did back then. We were a bunch of stupid kids who thought we were invincible. Nothing could ever get us, or rip us apart. That’s the beauty in childhood I suppose, the lack of care about the future or the present. Things are the way they are and that’s all there is to it in the mind of a carefree adolescent.

We had taken our bikes into town, and being the asshole I was I was doing my best to push everyone to their limits as I always did.

‘Chicken shit’ I teased, knowing it would rile her up. She hated the thought of any of the boys thinking she was weaker than us, but even then she was stronger than us and we knew it. She was tough, stubborn and unable to ever admit defeat. She had too much pride to ever give up and we admired it in our own way. We would never ever let her know this though. It was vital for her to want to keep up with us, and not the other way around. There wasn’t any reason for this, it was another one of those things that had become an unwritten rule.

‘Fuck you Way’ she spat, her hair tied back in a ponytail as she clenched her fists in anger. She was wearing jeans and converse like the rest of us, her top a plain black t shirt as she tried to cover up the fact that she was a girl. The one time she wore a dress Frank had tried to look up it, inadvertently revealing her underwear to the world and ever since then she refused to wear skirts or dresses. Mikey and Frank were behind me sniggering, they knew Alexia was close to breaking point. They found it hilarious when we fought. One of us would always end up running home crying. Usually it was her, which was worse for me when my Mother heard about from my snitch of a brother. The amount of beatings I had gotten over the years because of that girl and I still hadn’t learnt. That should have been the first clue really.

We stood on the sidewalk clutching onto our bikes, facing the road. The traffic was racing past us in a blur the way it always was when it hit rush hour. I should have known how stupid I was being, egging her on to do something so ridiculously crazy. But I never thought logically around her. That should have been the second clue.

‘You’re afraid you’re not fast enough to dodge the cars. Therefore, you’re a chicken shit!’ I retorted.

The funny thing is, if you asked me now would I change what happened next, I would answer no. Because love is strange thing and if I hadn’t learnt it that day I would have only found another idiotic way to realise it.

She bolted out into the road, so fast I had to do a double take when I realised she was no longer beside me as her bike fell to the ground. The road was huge with four lanes of traffic going both directions. The cars were speeding in each lane and my heart stopped beating when one car narrowly missed hitting her as it screeched to a halt in the nick of time, with the driver lowering his widow and yelling abuse at the girl who had nearly killed herself. Alexia didn’t seem to notice as she continued to run.

That was the moment. When I realised that my life would be over if Alexia Collins ceased to exist. That I wanted to marry her, have babies with her. Travel the world together. Continue to do stupid things together. My life would be nothing without her.

She made it to the other side, her face flushed with the effort of trying not to get killed and a shit eating grin on her face.

‘Now who’s the chicken shit’ she yelled from the other side of the road, her voice barely audible from the noise of the traffic.

I gulped as I realised the answer, my heart still pounding in my throat where it had found new lodgings.

I was. Because I also knew right then I could never tell her how I felt about her. She would never want to be with me. I was awkward, self conscious and not good enough for her. We had thirteen years of friendship and I wouldn’t ruin that by telling her how I felt. I thought that maybe if I pushed the feeling away and buried them deep down inside I would eventually forget my feelings and Alexia would go back to just being another annoying friend.

I didn’t know just how wrong I was.  


### Notes


	2. Chapter Two

## Chapter Two

  
Four years later and I’m in what is officially known as hell.

It was senior year for myself, Alexia and Ray and things hadn’t changed that much. Ray was the same as ever with his afro that refused to be tamed. He was the logical thinker of the group, the sensible one who made sure we always had a get out route when we did stupid shit like sneaking out to concerts. Mikey was taller and more annoying than before if that was even possible. He was right at the awkward phase of looking like a man-boy. His face showed his youth but then he’d open his mouth and you would swear it was a thirty year old talking. He was gangly and starting to grow facial hair. It made me wonder if I looked as awful at that age. I probably looked worse I imagined. As for Frank…well he was still Frank. It was strange how we didn’t find the three year age gap a problem. He may have been on the brink of turning fifteen but he was wise beyond his years that was for sure. He was still short but the girls in his grade were all over him. He was surprisingly close to Alexia, something that bothered me even though I know she considered me her best friend.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the reason why I am living in an eternal, never ending hell. Let me introduce myself. My name is Gerard Way. I’m seventeen, and in love with my best friend who as fate would have it will never see me as anything but a friend. I’ll be honest and say there are times when I could have sworn I saw her look at me for longer than she should have, or blushed when I caught her gaze unexpectedly but I knew deep down that meant nothing. She had let her hair grow out longer over the past year, hiding her face behind a curtain of hair whenever she felt awkward or shy which I found adorable. It was naturally brown, and the way her natural blond highlights turned gold in the sun never failed to catch my eye. Her braces had finally come off two years ago, making her smile more charming than ever. Over the last summer she had finally grown some boobs and developed a more womanly figure. I knew that I was in for a year of trouble when the guys in school take notice. Once a girl got tits she was fair game to the bunch of wild animals who called themselves men at this school.

The fact that we were in a private school gave the male species that inhabited the place an even bigger sense of entitlement when it came to how they treated the girls at the school. It always sickened my stomach to hear the guys talk in the locker room about the girls in the school. Don’t get me wrong, not all of the girls were innocent. To be honest, some of them were outright sluts who would have made their parents cry if they knew half the shit they got up to. For the most part though, it was undeserved and downright offensive. The thought of some jock eyeing Alexia up as a piece of meat made my stomach clench in a mixture of fear and disgust. Alexia, Ray and I had gotten through the last few years unnoticed for the most part. I was glad because if Alexia wasn’t noticed nobody could take her from me.

I started the first day back at school with a knot in my stomach, knowing it was going to be torture. Being the first to get a license and a car meant I had the responsibility of picking the others up. I got up and dressed quickly in my dark navy blazer, white shirt, red tie and grey bottoms that made up my uniform. As much as it sucked to wear a uniform, in some ways I was grateful. I didn’t have to think about what I would wear to school, or what people would think because we were all in the same shitty ugly looking uniform. I sighed as I gave myself a quick once over in front of the mirror, trying to see if I looked different from the last time I wore this hideous outfit only a couple of months ago. I had grown a little, only a couple of inches making me barely averaged height. I had let my hair grow out over the summer until my mother made me get it cut a few days ago. Apparently being seventeen and old enough to decide how to wear my own hair meant squat shit to my mother. I didn’t let her cut it as short as she wanted though, so I had a mini victory in our battle of wills. I had lost the chubby baby fat a couple of years earlier so that hadn’t changed recently. I still looked like the same old me from the last day of junior year.

I glared at my reflection, for no other reason than to show someone my displeasure at having to rise at such an ungodly hour to go to a place I really didn’t want to be. I grabbed my school bag without checking I had everything I needed, because I was rebel. Or, you know, just too lazy and apathetic to give a fuck about whether or not I was ready for school. I made my way down the stairs and into the kitchen, seeing Mikey was ready and waiting for me. He handed me a pop tart and a thermos full of coffee without a word, fixing his bag on his shoulder and walking back out the kitchen. He really wasn’t a morning person but he knew I was his only way of getting to school so we had developed a sort of morning ritual. He handled breakfast, I handled the transport. I followed him out as I munched on the sugary goodness, keys in hand ready to unlock the car. I finished the tart before making it to Alexia’s house, beeping the horn when I parked outside. I had barely lifted my hand of the horn when the front passenger door opened to reveal a scowling Alexia.

‘I was already outside fucker’ she growled as she got in, looking how I felt at being up this early.

‘I know. I just wanted to alert the whole neighbourhood I was here.’

She grinned sarcastically and fastened her seat belt as I pulled away from the curb, making my way to collect Ray who was already outside and then finally Frank who left us waiting for five minutes before gracing us with his presence. His hair hadn’t been brushed and he still had sleep in his eyes. He didn’t utter any greetings or acknowledgments as he squeezed in beside Mikey, dropping his bag unceremoniously on the floor of the car. Mikey and Frank were beginning their sophomore year in the High School.

The ride to school was silent as we felt that dread and fear you only get on your first day back at school after a summer of freedom. It felt like we were entering a prison, and the seven hundred student population of the school were our fellow inmates. Considering that number included a Middle School it wasn’t very large. It didn’t stop the place from radiating oppression and authority as I found a parking space and turned the engine off.

‘Please don’t tell me we have Gilmore first. I’ll shoot myself right here, right now if we do.’ Alexia whined, always the first to give out on the beginning of a new school term.

‘Nah, think it’s Granger first.’

She groaned, and smacked her head against the dashboard.

‘Let’s skip’ she whispered hurriedly, as though her life depended on it ‘No one would know. Come on, none of us want to be here. We can go to the park or something. Go anywhere else as long as it’s far away from here.’

‘Well, if it wasn’t for the fact that our wonderful principal Mr. Higgins just saw me pull up I would. Tough shit sugar, we’re stuck here for the day. Plus I’d rather not get detention on our first day.’

‘Toro, you want to ditch right?’ Alexia pleaded as she turned around to face him, desperation in her eyes.

‘Gerard’s right Lexi, it’s too risky today. Maybe next week.’

‘Mikey, I’ll take you somewhere and buy you cigarettes if you ditch with me’

‘Hey’ Gerard scolded ‘I’m the only one that gets to corrupt my little brother. Leave him alone.’

‘Fine’ she exclaimed exasperated. ‘How about it Frankie, me and you, we can have a water fight in the park or something?’

Frank looked nervous, and I could see the conflict going on in his head. He didn’t want to get into trouble but he could never say no to Alexia. He had a major crush on her for the last year and since then he had been putty in her hands. She wasn’t aware of this though, if she did she would’ve been more careful around him. I thought about telling her but I figured if Frank wanted her to know he would say something himself. In the mean time I tried to rein Alexia in a bit.

‘Don’t be picking on Frank’ I warned her, unable to keep a smile off my face as I looked at her pouting lips.

‘Whatever. Let’s get this over with. God I hate this place!’

With those words she opened the car door and we all scrambled out of the car before slowly making our way towards the place we affectionately called Hell.  



	3. Chapter Three

  
‘I hate you!’

The words might have stung if I didn’t know they were far from true. Alexia plopped down beside me as we sat outside on the stone steps that lead to the green football pitch.

‘Love you too sugar’ I replied, ignoring her anger as I took a bite of the sandwich my Mother made for me. The first day of every school year my Mother would make myself and Mikey a packed lunch. She would give up by the second day and just hand us the lunch money to get the cafeteria food. To be honest the food here wasn’t too bad but it was edible so I didn’t mind. Plus if I was smart I could hog the money to buy cigarettes.

‘We should have ditched. I already have homework, can you believe it? I swear Rodgers is the most hateful teacher I’ve ever had.’

‘Sucks for you, I’ve managed to escape homework so far.’ I replied as I could feel her death glare without needing to face her. I could just imagine the look on her face with her nose slightly scrunched up in a mix of anger and indignation, her eyes narrowed as she tried to make me feel guilty for escaping homework so far. We were all the same classes bar one. I had art while she took history. Her lips were probably pursed as she tried to hide the smirk that was threatening to break out, her hands shaking as she tried to refrain from hitting me.

‘I hate you!’ she repeated as she gave in and hit my arm, her closed fist not having much of an impact as I continued to ignored her childish tantrum.

‘Did you bring anything for lunch?’ I asked even though I already knew the answer.

‘Fuck you Way’ she was determined to hold on to her anger.

I rolled my eyes at her behaviour as she huffed in anger. I repressed my desire to laugh at her, knowing it would only make her even angrier. Every year was the same story. She would spend the entire lunch break bitching about being back at school while we tried our best to avoid her wrath and not laugh at her dramatics. If we did we would spend the day being punched and we would be on the receiving end of her anger.

‘Want some?’ I offered her part of my sandwich, hoping I could eventually distract her.

‘What is it?’ she asked cautiously.

‘Parma ham and cheese.’ I replied as I offered her the sandwich.

She took it without so much as a thank you, immediately digging in with a vicious bite. It kept her quiet for a few minutes while she too busy chewing to say hello to Mikey when he joined us a couple of minutes later followed quickly by Frank. We sat in that spot as we waited for Ray to get his food from the cafeteria as his mother refused to make him lunch anymore. Alexia never brought in food nor would she get food for herself in the cafeteria. She just stole our food, and we had learned very quickly to buy extra if we didn’t want to starve. As expected when he finally came over to us he handed her a sandwich and a bag of chips.

She grunted instead of saying thank you as we all ate our lunch, the silence comfortable and relaxing. The sun was now blazing, the heat and sunshine a reminder that we were back in prison for the next ten months. We all took our blazers off bar Frank, who refused to give in to the heat. Alexia loosened her tie and leaned back on the steps, her elbows resting on the step behind her. I unbuttoned the top three buttons on my shirt and rolled the sleeves up, hoping it would help cool me down.

Further down the steps a group of jocks started to have a food fight, the guys being obnoxious and loud as they threw the leftovers of their lunch around. It was only inevitable that we would get caught in the crossfire as a piece of sandwich flew in our direction and hit Frank in the forehead. He scowled and looked down at his thermos cup of reheated coffee to hide his anger and embarrassment.

‘Hey fuckwads, watch it!’ I yelled, not at all scared of the jocks. I knew them well enough to know they were all talk and ultimately harmless. They wouldn’t risk upsetting Daddy by getting into trouble for beating up some insignificant misfit. In saying that, I wouldn’t go out of my way to start trouble either.

‘Go fuck yourself Way’ one of the quarter backs , Johnston, called back as they got back to throwing their food and water around. Eventually a bottle of water headed our way, smacking the side of Alexia’s head as it drenched her. I avoided looking at her shirt, as the white shirt became transparent showing her light pink bra underneath.

‘Hey Collins, nice rack you got there!’ Johnston shouted the rest of the guys laughed like hyenas. I saw the tears well up in Alexia’s eyes as her face flushed pink. I moved to stand up, not sure what I planned to do as my mind went on automatic.

‘Don’t’ she choked out as she put a hand on my arm. I looked at her, cringing as I could see the tears in her eyes. No one ever made her cry but me, and it had been years since I had done that. They guys continued to laugh and point at Alexia and I could feel my blood begin to boil. After about thirty seconds she stood up and raced back inside the school building as she lost her battle against the tears that wanted to fall. I wanted to run after her, comfort her and make her feel better but she wouldn’t accept it while she was in tears.

‘Dude that was out of line’ I heard one of the jocks, Darren I think his name was, say as the laughter died down.

‘Bite me it was only water. Plus we got a nice view of her tits; damn she filled out over the summer.’ Johnston responded, and in that moment I snapped. I stood up quickly before anybody could stop me and began marching over, anger coursing through me as my brain stopped working.

‘Dude, you’re not going to help anything.’ Ray caught up with me and held me back from doing something stupid, as Johnston stared me down, egging my on to do something about it.

‘C’mon Way, you got something to say? Gonna defend your girlfriend’s honour?’

Ray’s gripped tightened as I tried to break free. Mikey took my other arm, whispering ‘Don’t be stupid Gerard’. We didn’t notice Frank until he raced past us and I felt my stomach twist as we knew what was going to happen. We tried to catch up with him before he got hurt, but we were too late as he stood in front of Johnston and lashed out with a closed fist, hitting Johnston in the face. Johnston’s face turned red with anger as we finally caught up with Frank, he stared down at Frank who was almost a foot smaller than him. Darren held him back as we pulled Frank out of Johnston’s reach.

‘Dude, he’s not worth it.’ Darren told Johnston, as Johnston trembled with rage.

‘I ain’t gonna let a midget get away with punching me, even if he is a sophomore!’

‘Fuck you Johnston, I ain’t afraid of you!’ Frank spat, not helping his situation as he struggled to get out of my grip.

‘Frank, shut up!’ I hissed in anger as I pushed him behind me.

‘Aaww, now he’s got his boyfriend protecting him’ Johnston mocked, obviously unable to decide whether I was straight or gay.

‘Dwayne, let it go’ Darren hissed to Johnston

‘C’mon’ I grabbed Frank and pulled him away, before we got the shit beaten out of us. While the jocks were normally non-violent they also didn’t take abuse lying down either.

‘You’re dead Iero!’ Johnston called after us, as I continued to push Frank away from the jocks and back into the school building. We stopped in the hallway, as I took deep calming breaths and ran a hand through my hair. Frank was breathing heavily as Ray continued to keep a hold on Frank’s shoulders and Mikey was cursing under his breath.

‘You fucking idiot’ Mikey ranted at Frank.

‘Fuck you, just because you’re all pussies who are too scared to stand up for your friend when sexist pricks humiliate her in front of everyone doesn’t mean I am!’

Mikey fell silent as all of us let the weight of Frank’s words fall on us. I knew he was right; we were too scared of the consequences if we did what we wanted to do. The school took violence very seriously and suspension was the least we could expect if we caused a fight. The fact that they had practically sexually harassed Alexia wouldn’t matter; they wouldn’t see it as an acceptable reason to start a fight.

‘There’s a difference between being a pussy and being smart!’ Ray countered. ‘Do you think Alexia would want us to get into trouble over those assholes?’

Frank glared at Ray but kept silent as his breathing calmed down.

‘We should probably go look for her, see if she’s okay’ Mikey suggested, finally remembering Alexia had run off.

‘I’ll go look for her’ I offered before going to my locker and getting a spare shirt I kept in there. I searched around the school, knowing that she was probably in one of the girls bathrooms. I tried to ignore the strange looks the girls gave me as they exited the bathroom, looking at me like I was a creep when I asked if they had seen Alexia. I reached the bathrooms in the middle floor when two girls I recognised left, giving me a look over before smirking.

‘Your girlfriend’s in there bawling her eyes out, poor thing. You two have a lover spat?’ Brittany asked, her voice grating on my nerves.

‘Can you give this into her?’ I barely contained my annoyance at Brittany and I handed her the shirt. She gave me a falsely sweet smile and gave me a cheery ‘Sure’ before walking back into the bathroom. She came back out a few seconds later and smiled at me before giggling in an annoyingly girly high pitched giggle and walking off with her friend. I waited outside for about ten minutes when Alexia finally came out. Her eyes were red and puffy and I felt my chest constrict as I gave into my urge to comfort her and pulled her into a hug.

‘Are you okay?’

‘No, I’m not okay. I’ve never been so humiliated in all my life. I fucking hate being a girl. Just because I have breasts people think its okay to comment on my body.’

She sniffled and I hugged her tighter. She was self conscious of her body since we hit puberty, not comfortable with being the only girl in a group of guys. She always did her best to hide her gender under baggy clothes. Her dad refused to let her cut her hair short like she always wanted which I was secretly thankful for.

‘They’re just being assholes Lexi, don’t let them get to you. In five years they’ll have achieved nothing except knocking up some poor unfortunate girl.’ I tried to console her as best I could.

‘Alexia?’

I looked up to see Darren standing behind Alexia, looking uncomfortable as he interrupted us. Alexia escaped from my arms as I felt suddenly bereft and cold like every other time she pulled away from my embrace. She belonged in my arms, and if I wasn’t such a coward I would tell her that. Instead I waited for her to realise it, hopefully before it was too late.

‘I just… wanted to say sorry I guess. Johnston was way out of line.’ He looked nervous as he kept glancing at the ground. The sudden anxiety didn’t suit him; he normally radiated confidence like the rest of his group.

‘You shouldn’t be the one apologising.’ She murmured.

‘I should’ve done more’ he spoke in a low voice, glancing at me as I realised he didn’t want me there. He liked her. I took in his blond floppy hair, blue eyes and slightly muscular frame that was hidden under his uniform. Alexia wouldn’t say yes to him if he asked, she couldn’t. She never showed an interest in him before, and after what happened she would never give him a chance. Or at least I hoped she wouldn’t.

‘Maybe. It’s done now, so don’t worry about it.’

‘Could I maybe… can I talk to you alone for a second?’

I clenched my fists as Alexia looked at Darren in surprise for a split second, before turning to me with an unsure expression.

‘Don’t go with him’ I silently begged her as her eyes met mine ‘don’t say yes.’

‘Uh…sure…Gerard you go on without me, I’ll catch up with you later.’

I nodded at her and gave her one final plead with my eyes and looked at Darren with a glare before I walked away from her, leaving her with the enemy. I had to force my feet to keep on walking, as I struggled against my need to stay and protect her. My only consolation was that I was certain she would say no, he was far from her type in almost every sense. Then again she had never shown an interest in anyone before so I could I know for certain? I fumed as I walked back to my locker, hoping that she wouldn’t give the idiot the time of day.  



	4. Chapter Four

  
I didn’t get to talk to her again until the school bell rang to call an end to the day. She had been quiet throughout our classes, barely looking at me and I knew she was hiding something. I don’t remember ever being so happy to leave a class as I was today, picking up my bag and almost flying out of my seat before the teacher had even finished his sentence without waiting for Alexia. While I had no work due for tomorrow I had an assignment that had to be handed in for Friday. That could wait until Thursday night or Friday morning if I was really lazy. I didn’t care either way as I made my way to my locker, my mind would only think about one thing.: What happened between Alexia and that asshole of a jock when I left. Even though I was sure Alexia wouldn’t accept any advances he would make I knew girls were funny creatures who would do stupid crazy things just for the sake of it. She never had a boyfriend before so maybe she would decide now was the time to get one. I shook my head as the thought entered my mind, knowing Alexia wouldn’t do that. She was too good a person to string someone along just for the sake of it. But then again, how could I be certain she didn’t like him? We were best friends but we never spoke about our love lives, or what was a pathetic excuse for one. I only had eyes for her which is why I never brought it up, but for all I knew Alexia had watched him from afar and I was just too blind to notice.

I made it out to my car within five minutes of the final bell, not surprised to see Mikey already waiting for me.

‘Sup dude?’

I cocked an eyebrow at him, wondering if I had heard him correctly.

‘If you ever say those words to me again you’ll be walking home’ I threatened uselessly as he grinned at me, knowing it was an empty threat.

‘Get a sense of humour man’ he muttered when I unlocked the car, throwing his bag in the back seat before he got in. I threw my own in the trunk before slamming it shut with a bang, venting my anger and anxiety a little.

Alexia came just as I let go of the door, I watched her closely to see if there were any signs of what had happened earlier. She didn’t look particularly happy or sad at first glance, but I could see the glint in her eye which only appeared when she lied or when she was excited about something. I swallowed a lump in my throat as I felt genuine fear for the first time in years.

‘Hey’ I tried to keep my emotions under wrap, my tone monotonous as a result.

‘Bleh. Thank fuck today is over’ was the response I got as she opened the front passenger door and got in the car. I knew I couldn’t ask her what had happened, not in front of the guys. I didn’t have to wait too long for Frank and Ray to show up, both of whom looked miserable as fuck when they arrived.

‘At least it can’t get any worse, right?’ Frank whined from the back seat as I reversed out of the parking space and sped it out of the car park.

‘For fuck sake Frankie’ Alexia growled, throwing something that looked like a ball of paper at him.

‘What?’ he asked indignantly.

‘You’re fucking cursing us you idiot!’

‘I thought you weren’t superstitious!’

‘I’m not but for Christ’s sake don’t fucking tempt fate in case it decides to exist!’

He laughed at her, while Ray shook his head at her. Mikey was zoned out, his eyes closed as he ignored what was going on around him.

‘That doesn’t make any sense!’

‘Yes it does.

‘You’re nuts.’

‘No, _you_ have nuts. I have a vagina, which you verified six years ago when you looked up my skirt.’

Frank went red at the memory and kept quiet after that, everyone went silent as we all entered our own worlds. The silence continued until Alexia’s phone beeped with an obnoxiously loud sound. From my peripheral vision I could see her check the message she received and blush. I gripped the wheel tightly, my knuckles white as I instinctively knew who it was. Nobody else would get that reaction from her. I had to stop myself from growling in my anger, and I had an urge to grab her phone and throw it out the window just to wipe the smile off her face.

‘Ooooh, who’s got Alexia all hot and bothered’ Mike teased as he came out of his reverie and spotted Alexia’s blushing from her reflection in the wing view mirror.

‘No one, so shut up!’ she hissed with venom as she replied to the text, as she did when she felt guilty or lying.

‘Alexia has a boyfriend’ he continued to tease.

‘Shut the fuck up Mikey!’

‘Alexia and her boyfriend, sitting in a tree-’ he began to sing.

‘Shut it Mikey’ I snapped loudly as the car to a sudden halt, my anger making me see red as my vision blurred. I was beyond pissed and it scared me. I shouldn’t be reacting this way. It wasn’t normal for jealousy to make someone feel this crazy, was it? I’d never felt this before and it frightened me that I was losing control over my own emotions.

Alexia looked at me with concern while Mikey refused to look in my direction, his tell tale sign of being upset. I started moving the car again when my vision returned to normal and the atmosphere in the car was tense and fell of anxiety as everyone worried about my mental stability. I was beginning to fear for my own sanity myself.

When I pulled up at Frankie’s house he jumped out of the vehicle without so much as a backward glance or a farewell. He hated awkward situations, like the one my dumb ass had just created. When we reached Ray’s place he does a little better, mumbling a ‘See you later’ before calmly opening the door and exiting the car. Unlike Frank he doesn’t flee up his drive way to get into his house.

‘Are you still coming over to mine?’ I manage to ask in a normal voice, directing my question to the only non family member left in my car.

‘Sure’ she replies hesitantly and I know she’s afraid that I’ll go off again.

‘Fucking Mondays’ I muttered.

‘A-fucking-men’ she agreed, giving me a sympathetic smile before staring out her window as she watched the world whirl by.

When I finally got to my place I turned the ignition off, and Mikey shot out of the car, slamming the door with a vicious slam. He stormed into the house, leaving me and Alexia in the car.

‘Are you okay?’ She asked cautiously.

‘Yeah, just stressful first day back. I’m just tired is all.’

She nodded, her lips pulled into a thin line in a tell tale sign she didn’t believe me.

‘So…who was texting you?’

I wanted to punch myself in the face as the words left my mouth, my face flushing red as Alexia looked at me as though I had two heads.

‘Not that it matters…but it was Darren.’

‘What did he want?’ I couldn’t stop myself. Please God kill me now before I dig an even hole for myself.

‘He was asking if I was going to Homecoming. I said I wasn’t sure.’

‘But we never go to Homecoming, remember? It’s a load of bullshit, that’s what you said and we all agreed.’

‘Well maybe I changed my mind.’ She realised quickly the effects her words were having on me before she swiftly added ‘I mean, it is our final year Gerard. Maybe we should go.’

‘Why, so you can get with Mr. Jock face?’

I regretted my words as I saw her face crumble with hurt for a split second before it changed to anger.

‘Fuck you, why would you care if I go out with him or not? I’m seventeen Gerard; it’s not unusual for people our age to want to date, to want to feel special!’

The words cut through me, white hot and deep. I didn’t make her feel special? I always tried to, but maybe it wasn’t enough. Girls wanted guys who showed them affection, who made them feel wanted and cared for. I suppose somewhere along the line that even though Alexia acts like one of the guys deep down she wants the same thing ever girl wants.

‘Maybe, but he’s not the kind of guy you’d want to be with Alexia, trust me.’

‘Why?’

‘I’ve heard things about him Lexi, he’s not as nice as he seems.’

‘Well if all you have are rumours to base your dislike of him on than you’re worse than the Preps are.’

With those words she got out of the car, calmly walking into my house as I felt like my world was beginning to tear at the seams.  



	5. Chapter Five

  
Alexia didn’t talk to me at all that afternoon, instead preferring to talk to my mother. My mother loved Alexia, and the feeling was definitely mutual. My mother thought of Alexia as the daughter she never had and enjoyed taking her out shopping and on girly days out. In return Alexia got the maternal affection she sorely missed. She never spoke about her mother and I was too scared to bring it up but I knew that she missed her, or perhaps missed what she represented.  
I knew I was in trouble when she decided to do homework after dinner instead of hanging out with me. I tried to distract myself by drawing out my comic book idea but my mind wouldn’t let me focus, not while Alexia was in the living room secretly plotting revenge on me. I had to make it right but I didn’t know how. To be honest I didn’t feel like I had done anything wrong but once Alexia put me in her bad books she wouldn’t be satisfied until I grovelled on my knees or found some other way to make it up to her that would result in my humiliation. I couldn’t explain to her exactly what I had heard about Darren because I knew she wouldn’t listen to me, not when she believed my motives were anything but sincere. Granted they weren’t, but she had no way of knowing my motives were two fold. Losing my temper was the worst thing I could’ve done.

I had to think of a way to stop her from going to Homecoming with him. My gut told me he would ask her, if he hadn’t done so already. That thought made me grit my teeth in anger and clench my fist, almost breaking the pencil in my hand. If she was determined to go I couldn’t stop her, nothing could change her mind once she had it made it. I could get someone else to take her but it would be the same problem at heart. I didn’t want her to go with anyone but me.  
 _  
Why shouldn’t I take her?_

The thought came unbidden, my body breaking out in a cold sweat as a wave of fear shivered down my spine. The fear of rejection had always held me back before, but now that fear could potentially push her away from me and into the arms of someone else. I knew I needed to grow a pair and just do it, but whenever the thought of asking her raced through my brain my throat would dry up and I was unable to make a sound. If the thought of asking her could turn me into such a wreck how would I ever be able to ask her?

Mikey stomped into my room, closing the door with a little force that showed he was still angry about my actions earlier. I felt bad but the fucker shouldn’t have tried to wind Alexia, and by extension me, up.

‘So, what’s up your ass?’ he asked in a cold voice as he sat facing me on the bed, his eyes narrowed in an effort to make me feel intimidated by him. It failed but the fact that he was angry enough to _want_ to intimidate me was bad enough.

‘Nothing Mikes. I’m just pissed off, Mondays blues and all that. Sorry for yelling at you earlier, it was uncalled for.’

I hoped the apology would be enough to appease him but alas he wasn’t satisfied.

‘Bullshit. You’re pissed off about that Alexia is texting some guy. I know you’re in love with her dude, everybody does except for her. You need to grow some balls and man up before you lose her. She won’t wait around forever.’

With that dramatic impassioned speech he left my room to leave me with my thoughts. How did he know? Was I that obvious? Shit, if he knew that meant Alexia might have caught on. If she did why hadn’t she said anything? Did she feel bad about the inevitable rejection I would face, or was she hoping my feelings would go away? Mikey said she didn’t know but she was a smart girl, even if she was oblivious to the obvious at times. Maybe he underestimated her knowledge of the situation as I had.

I knew I was panicking as the thoughts of my feelings being exposed made my breathing quicken and my skin moist with nervous sweat. Maybe I was over thinking things. I was positive she was completely oblivious to the fact her Father wasn’t a ‘business man’ as he claimed. They were obscenely rich; their house was practically a mansion with lots of land around it. Alexia hated it, the big house reminding her that she was often alone with no one but Jonathon for company while her father was away on one of his ‘trips’. He spoiled her rotten to compensate, and whenever he was home he would treat her like a princess. My father usually went with Mr. Collins; they were close work colleagues and friends. I was certain they were CIA agents, but whenever I asked my father about it he would avoid answering the question, telling me my imagination was overactive. She never saw the signs though, too wrapped up in her day to day life to see the bigger picture. I was slightly envious of that ability, it seemed to make her more carefree and open to whatever life threw at her. If she couldn’t see that surely she couldn’t notice how I felt about her?

Mikey’s words was on repeat in my mind, his voice in my head agitating me as it tried to tell me the fucker was right. Deep down I knew he was. If I lost Alexia it would be completely my own fault due to my inability to be a man and ask her. I knew if I let her go I would regret it fort the rest of my life. That was a risk too big to take.

I stood up, my back rigid with determination as I put my sketch book down and went to find Alexia where I last saw her in the living room. I quickly marched down the stairs, my anxiety making me want to get the humiliation over and done with. As expected she was hunched over her geometry book, concentration on her face as she tried to figure out the problem. She looked up when she felt my presence, glancing at me fleetingly before ignoring me and paying attention to her homework.

‘Alexia?’ my voice came out weak as I swore my heart was about to burst through my chest.

She ignored me, as she always did when she was angry at me.

‘Alexia?’ I spoke again, my voice even more strained than before. This got her attention as she looked up at me, concern on her face as she studied me with her piercing green eyes.

‘What’s wrong?’ she asked, her anger forgotten in her worry.

I opened my mouth, trying to get the words out but my throat seized up.

‘Gerard, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?’

‘Willyougowithmetohomecoming?’

‘What?’ she hadn’t heard a word I said, my brain disconnecting with my mouth in its rush to say the words before my cowardice overcame my new found courage.

‘Will you…will you go with me? To Homecoming?’

Her face fell, paling slightly as her green eyes stared at me in shock. I knew I shouldn’t have asked, I knew it would only end in humiliation-

‘Okay.’

The single word answer stopped my train of thought as my eyes widened in surprise.

‘What?’ I choked out, not believing what I heard.

‘I’ll go with you…if you want.’

Her voice was thin and barely audible as her face turned red, her eyes looking at the wooden floor of my living room instead of at me.Was it possible she liked me too? Maybe she wasn’t the only one who was oblivious.

‘I want to.’ I managed to speak as my whole body began to tremble with the realisation of what just happened.

I had finally done it. I had officially asked Alexia out and she said yes. I couldn’t help the relieved smile that grew on my face as I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

‘Can you help me with this? I can’t figure it out.’

Just like that, Alexia went back to normal as though we hadn’t agreed to go out together. I knew it was her way of trying to relax me and not make a big deal of what had just happened.

‘Sure.’ I replied, copying her and acting as though our relationship hadn’t taken some giant leap forward. Her hand shook when I sat down beside her and took her pencil out of her hand. That little give away of her feelings gave me the proof I needed to know I did the right thing. I sat a little closer to her, noting with pleasure that she started shaking slightly with nerves as she continued to blush and avoid eye contact.

Maybe she felt the same way about me after all.  



	6. Chapter Six

  
Alexia planned to stay over that night, giving Jonathan, her minder for all intents and purposes, a quick text to let him know where she was. The rest of the evening was awkward. We knew something had changed and yet we were trying to act as though nothing had happened. If it wasn’t for the fact Alexia was still blushing I would have sworn it was a dream when she said yes. Perhaps if Mikey hadn’t been a pest who insisted on joining us when Alexia finished her Geometry homework we would have talked about it. Or maybe I would have tried to kiss her, who knows. Not me that was for sure anyway as I shot Mikey my most evil threatening glare possible. By the grin he returned I knew the fucker was deliberately interfering, my stomach curled with embarrassment as I realised he had probably heard everything.

We watched some shit ass boring TV, not bothering to change out of our uniforms. We were teenagers which means by nature we are lazy, apathetic and too busy being bored to change.

‘God, why are we watching this crap? Mikey give me the remote.’ Alexi demanded.

‘Bitch remember whose house you’re in.’

She turned on Mikey like a viper, her eyes narrowed and I could tell Mikey regretted his words as his face dropped. I actually felt sorry for him, knowing that Alexia’s wrath was scary when you were on the receiving on. It was also funny as hell to watch so being the good brother I was I didn’t interfere. It would teach the fucker.

‘Excuse me? This may be your house but I own your ass. Or maybe I should just tell Gerard, Ray and Frankie about that time I caught you-‘

‘NO!’ he shouted quickly, sitting up from his slouched position which sped I didn’t know was humanly possible.

‘Apologise then.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘No Mikey, _apologise_.’

I held in my snigger. She wanted him to beg.

‘Alexia c’mon, you can’t be serious, I’m not a kid anymore you can’t just-‘

‘Gerard, remember that time-‘

‘ALRIGHT!’ he shouted, his face losing all colour as he gulped. In that moment my brotherly instincts kicked in, and as much as I wanted to see Mikey humiliate himself I wouldn’t let anyone else but I do it.

‘Alexia’ I warned.

‘What?’ she asked sweetly, looking at me as though she was an innocent who had never wronged in her life. I melted a little bit, forgetting for a split second about my brotherly duty as I took that sight of her in.

‘Leave him alone. You can’t fuck around with him anymore. He’s not a child.’

‘But Gerard’ She whined like a child, her foot twitching as she tried to stop herself from stomping her foot. It was her habit as a child when she was pulling a tantrum. She would stomp her foot, not stopping until you gave into her out of fear she would break her foot with the force she would use.

‘I don’t care. He apologised. Get over it. Mikey give me the remote.’

Mikey stuck his tongue out at Alexia before giving me the remote. Neither of us saw it coming when Alexia pounced on me, knocking us both off the couch with her speed. My back hit the floor as Alexia made to grab the remote that was clutched tightly in my hand.

We wrestled for a minute, Alexia trying to get the remote out of my hand as she straddled my wait, stopping me from sitting up. I wasn’t trying very hard; I was too busy enjoying the feel of Alexia being on top of me. I heard a brief ‘whatever’ from Mikey as he exited the living room, getting bored of watching Alexia and I fighting.

‘Give it to me’ she whined as she struggled to wretch it from me hand.

‘If you want it, just take it!.’

‘ _What on earth is going on?_ ’

The words were spoken by my Mother, who stood in the doorway with a shocked expression on her face. She looked angry, her lips pressed into a thin line which resembled my own.  
Alexia stood up quickly, fixing her skirt as I sat up. I realised how it must have looked to my mother. We didn’t look like kids anymore who could get away with messing. Now we were fully fledged teenagers with hormones. The air was thick with sexual tension and I knew my Mother wouldn’t fail to recognise that. Judging by the angry expression on her face it was the first time my mother was faced with the fact that we could possibly be more than friends. She didn’t seem to like that.

‘Alexia, I think maybe you should go home tonight.’

The words were spoken quietly, not necessarily in anger but she was far from happy.

‘Okay.’

The look was Alexia’s face made my heart break. She had always been welcome to stay whenever she wanted, even sharing my bed on more than a few occasions during the winter months when my house got freezing cold. My mother asking her to leave was like a master kicking his puppy.

‘Mom,what the hell?’ I asked in anger as Alexia went to retrieve her school bag, her head bowed down as she tried not to get upset.

‘Don’t start Gerard. You and I are going to have a little talk after you drop Alexia off.’

I wanted to yell at her but I knew it wouldn’t be any use. She had her mind made up so I begrudgingly picked up my keys that I left on the table and muttered a ‘C’mon’ to Alexia.  
She followed me silently out the door, the silence continued as we pulled away from the drive way.

‘Lexi she’s not mad at you, okay? I think she was just…surprised is all. ‘

She nodded, still not speaking to me as she tried not to give away just how upset she was.

‘I mean, if your Dad had walked in on that I’d be murdered.’

My pathetic attempt to make her cheer up worked as I saw a ghost of a smile on her face.

‘Nah, he just would have castrated you I think. He likes you too much to murder you.’

I laughed.

‘I’d rather be murdered.’

‘Why?’

‘I dunno. Life would be pointless if I didn’t have…you know.’

‘Little Gerard’ she giggled.

‘Hey, there’s nothing little about him.’ I muttered, turning red.

The tension seemed to come back again, both of us staying quiet before we made things more awkward.

When I reached her house I parked in her driveway.

‘Alexia, don’t be upset okay? I’ll talk to her and it will all blow over.’

‘Okay.’ She whispered.

Her eyes were cast down, refusing to look at me. She was biting her lower lip. In that moment all I wanted to do was kiss her. I placed my hand under her chin, forcing her to look at me. We held each other’s gaze as I tried to convince myself it would be okay to kiss her. If she freaked out I could just say it was an impulse, or I was just trying to comfort her.

I began to lean in, closing the space between our lips when a sudden noise made us jump.  
Alexia’s phone was ringing. Déjà vu hit me as I felt another urge to grab her phone and throw it away. I officially hated her phone. I saw DAD flash up on the screen as she pulled it out of her bag.

‘Hi Daddy’ she answered, her face flushed as she tried to control her breathing. ‘Oh, I thought you wouldn’t be home ‘till next week…I’m in the driveway now Daddy. I’ll see you in a minute.’

I listened to the conversation, my hands clasped tightly as I cursed her stupid phone. I almost kissed her. I almost kissed her and she didn’t pull away. A felt a flutter of hope and smiled when I thought about it. She didn’t pull away.

‘Gerard?’ She brought me out of my thoughts, her phone clutched in her hand and her schoolbag on her lap.

I barely had time to focus on her when I suddenly felt her lips on mine. I didn’t respond at first, surprise making me immobile. They were soft, smooth and hot as my lips began to return the pressure she applied. As quickly as she had done it she pulled away, opening her door and racing out of the car before my brain would take in what had happened.

We kissed. After all these years, after everything we had been through we finally kissed. A wide grin spread across my face, showing my teeth as the single sentence ran through my brain.

She kissed me.

I was giddier than a schoolgirl as I reversed my car out of her driveway, forgetting about the wrath I would face when I got home.  



	7. Chapter Seven

  
I had tried to get past my mother without being noticed when I got home, but it wasn’t to be. The minute I stepped foot in the house I heard her call out to me. The next half hour was spent under torture, or as she liked to call it ‘having a catch up.’ She was certain that Alexia and I were secretly dating, something I strenuously denied. She saw through me though, she knew my feelings for Alexia went beyond friendship. She just warned me ‘not to ruin her life’, which was code for ‘don’t knock her up’. As much as she loved Alexia, I knew she wasn’t happy about the development. Maybe she was afraid things would move too fast between us. Maybe she was right, but Alexi and I had years of friendship behind us. We didn’t have to do the whole awkward get to know each other phase. We knew everything there was to know about each other. I knew I wanted to marry her one day, and my mother’s words of warning wouldn’t stop that.

I heard my Dad arrive in the door about an hour later. I didn’t bother going down to greet him, instead giving them their own time so my mother could fawn all over him while he enjoyed her fussing over him. I continued sketching my newest character, my shaking hands making it hard to do justice to the image in my head. Right now all I wanted to do was talk to Alexia, question her about the kiss and what it meant but I knew she would be spending time with her Dad right now. I sighed as I gave up on the drawing, carelessly throwing my sketchpad aside as I stretched before getting off my bed and putting my pyjamas on. I wore the batman pair that Alexia had bought me last Christmas. It was one of our things; she would buy me something batman related while I bought her Disney stuff. I was pretty sure I had bought her almost all the Disney teddies that existed so pretty soon I was going to have to start buying her something else. I turned my stereo on, putting on some Misfits before getting into bed and closing my eyes. I was suddenly tired as the events of the day went through my mind, replaying scene by scene as I tried to analyse everything in hopes of gaining more perspective on what was happening. Eventually I fell asleep without gaining any more knowledge.

************************************************************

‘Collins and Way if you don’t stop it I will separate the two of you for the rest of the year!’

It was second period English. We had been playing a game of tic tac toe quite peacefully before Alexia started sulking and kicking me under the table because I was winning. She was the sorest loser I had ever met, and that included Mikey. She had let out a surprised gasp when I eventually kicked her back, causing everyone to look at us and thus drawing Mr. Hudson’s attention towards us.

‘Sorry Sir’ Alexia’s voice rang out, her lips twitching as she resisted her urge to smile.

‘Sorry’ I replied, knowing he would carry through his threat if he annoyed him too much.

The minute he turned his back she kicked me again, her smile wide knowing that I wouldn’t retaliate while we were in class.

‘Keep it up Lexi. You know I’ll get you back later’ I whispered.

‘No you won’t.’

I raised an eyebrow at her.

‘What makes you so sure?’

‘Because you know I’ll tell Mikey if you do.’

‘Tattle tale.’

‘Momma’s boy.’

‘Whatever.’ I muttered as she kicked me yet again. The bell rang, filling the classroom with the sound of scraping chairs as Alexia sprang from her chair and raced out of the classroom before I could get her. I saw her stick her tongue out at me before she disappeared.

I gathered up my things before making my way to Art, my stomach rumbling as it reminded me I had missed breakfast this morning due to my alarm not going off. I had barely made it on time after picking everyone up, meaning I had no time to talk to Alexia about what had happened yesterday. So far we were acting like normal, which made me feel equal amounts of relief and worry. I was relieved that things weren’t obviously awkward but I was unsure if this was because it meant nothing to Alexia or if she was just trying to act normal until we were able to get some alone time to talk about what was going on. I took my normal seat in art, barely looking up when I saw someone come up to my desk while I doodled on a spare bit of paper.

‘Hey Gerard’

The high pitched, breathy voice grated on my nerves, causing me to look up in annoyance and glare. It was Brittany, the girl I met outside the bathroom yesterday. I was certain my face showed my confusion as she beamed at me. She had never acknowledged my existence before yesterday making me highly suspicious as to her motives for talking to me now. She wasn’t one of the cheerleaders but she was part of the ‘In’ crowd who controlled the school.

‘Hey’ I muttered before ignoring her, giving the scrap of paper in front of me all my attention again in hopes she would just sit down and ignore my existence. She sat in the seat just in front of my desk before she pulled out her sketchpad and faced the front of class. Mr. Lambert came in just then, getting straight into the lesson without any greetings.

The bell had barely rung when she turned to face me again, blushing slightly as she bit her lip for a second, looking nervous.

‘So, are you going to Evan’s party on Friday?’ She asked, her blush deepening.

‘Eh…no.’

‘You should go. It’ll be a good party, there’ll be plenty of drink and stuff.’

‘It’s not really my scene’ I replied shortly, my annoyance at her over riding any flattery I should feel at her sudden interest in me.

‘Oh, ok…well you’re more that welcome to come if you change your mind, you can bring Alexia too.’ With that she walked out of the class, leaving me utterly confused.

When I finally got out to the courtyard for lunch I was surprised to see Alexia and Frank sitting on the steps we normally occupied with Brittany who was actually talking to Alexia. I could just about make out Alexia’s face, noticing how it was too void of any expression. She was trying her best to be polite but I tell be the way her lips were set that she was as puzzled by Brittany’s sudden interest in her as I was. Brittany walked away before she noticed me to my relief.

‘What did she want?’ I asked when I approached them, sitting down beside Alexia.

‘Something about a party on Friday, apparently she would be delighted if I went…I didn’t know she even knew I existed.’ Alexia shrugged, not too concerned as she stole some of Frank’s fries.

‘She even asked if I wanted to come.’ Frank added, sounding a little pleased.

‘Why would you want to go Frank? The idiots who go do nothing but drink and fuck around.’

Frank shrugged.

‘You never know, maybe they’re more fun than we give them credit for.’ Alexia chimed in thoughtfully, before shrugging again.

‘Do you want to go?’ I asked, surprised.

‘I don’t know, I’m just saying…I suppose it would be fun to crash and see what exactly they get up to at those parties.’

‘We can go if you want.’

Frank looked up happily at my words.

‘Nice’ was all he said before shovelling more fries into his mouth.

‘Don’t blame me if it turns out to be a bad idea though’ I muttered darkly, dread filling my stomach telling me that the party would be a big mistake.  


### Notes


	8. Chapter Eight

  
Alexia had managed to convince my mother to let all the guys stay over on the night of the party so that we could all go. Alexia knew how to reduce my mother into a sentimental wreck. All it took was the mention of her mother and my mother would do anything for her. My mother and Mrs Collins had grown up together and were best friends in their teenage years. It made my mother feel responsible for Alexia. Needless to say, it meant Alexia had my mother wrapped around her finger.

My mother went to bed at half eight that night, telling us to be careful and not to do anything stupid.

‘Okay, let’s get ready’ Frank all but shouted. I glared at him, his enthusiasm infuriating me.

Frank used Mikey’s room to get ready, while Ray and I went to my room. We had gym class together so we were comfortable enough to awkwardly change in the same room.

‘So, what’s going on with you and Lexi?’

The question came out of nowhere, making me pause as I buckled by belt.

‘What do you mean?’

‘C’mon man, you’ve been acting all weird the past couple of days, so has Lexi. Did something happen?’

I didn’t answer straight away, my mind quickly trying to figure out if I should tell him anything.

‘I asked her to Homecoming on Monday.’

‘As in a date?’

‘Uh-huh’

‘She said yes I take it?’

‘Yup.’

‘Cool.’

That was Ray I suppose. He took everything in his stride and never made a big deal out of anything. I was thankful for that. When half nine came we were still waiting for Alexia. We were sitting in the living room, staring at the TV without really watching it.

‘Hey, you guys ready?’

We turned around to look for the source of the voice. My throat went dry when I looked at her, my eyes taking the sight of her walking down the stairs. She was wearing the blue dress she mentioned to my mother earlier, the silky midnight blue material fitting her like a glove. It was knee length, giving me a good view of her legs. Her hair was decorated with a silver diamante clip to the side, showing off her face for once. She had lined her eyes with black eyeliner, her lips coated with a light pink lip gloss. She was stunning.

‘Since when do you wear make up?’

Mikey ruined the moment. Alexia’s confidence seemed to slip away, her bottom lip caught between her teeth.

‘Since tonight…does it look really bad? I’ll go take it off.’

She started to walk back up the stairs.

‘No, don’t! You look nice, really!’

Alexia’s eyes focused on Mikey, disbelief written on her face.

‘You look beautiful.’

The words slipped out of my mouth before my brain could filter them. When I realised what I had said I felt my cheeks heat up, the others staring at me.

‘Thanks.’ Alexia murmured, her cheeks as red as mine felt.

‘Alright, let’s get going’ I ordered, grabbing my keys and praying that tonight wouldn’t end in disaster.

The music could be heard from a block away, the car vibrated from the force of the high decimals that disturbed the otherwise quiet street. I parked the car, looking at everyone to gage their reactions. Mikey and Frank seemed excited, Ray looked like he couldn’t care less and Alexia was chewing her nails.

‘You guys ready?’ I asked turning the engine off and sliding the keys into my pocket. They all nodded exiting the car quietly.

‘Guys, cheer the fuck up. We’re going to a party, it’s gonna be fun!’ I felt slightly guilty at Frank’s outburst, knowing his words were meant for me really. I was killing his happy buzz. Maybe he was right and the party would be fun.

‘Okay, you’re right. Just…everyone be careful, okay? I’d rather no one gets absolutely hammered, Mom will flip if we come home pissed.’ I warned, walking up the long winding drive way to the huge mansion of a house. The place was full of teenagers, the vast majority with red cups in their hands. The well maintained yard, which I’m certain was perfect before the party started, was littered with empty cups and other trash that made me feel sorry for whoever had the job of cleaning it up. The front door was opened due to the amount of people who were exiting to have a ‘smoke’ in the garden. While I had never tried drugs before it didn’t take a genius to realise that the smell was weed. We walked past the stoners, entering the house through its red door. There were even more people inside, the place full to capacity. I could barely make out the design of the house, I could see the walls were painted a champagne colour and crystal chandeliers. The rest was skewed to the eye.

‘We should go find the drink, I’ll think we’ll need it’ Ray was clearly uncomfortable with the size of the party.

‘Sure, I’m guessing it’s through here’ I pointed to the room on my left, where the majority of people seemed to have gathered. We pushed our way through the crowd, keeping close to each other to ensure we didn’t get separated yet. When I saw some random drunk kid bump into to Alexia I grabbed her hand, my instincts taking over as I pulled her up beside me. The guys said nothing at this, following me to the table where the alcohol was kept. I had never seen so much beer, vodka and brightly coloured Alco-pops in my life, Evans had clearly spent a lot of money on this party. I grabbed a beer for myself, my limit for the night due to my position as designated driver. The rest guys poured beer from the keg except Alexia, who made herself a drink of Vodka and soda. She smiled wickedly at me as she took her first drink, pleased with the free drink.

‘We should probably mingle a little, we’ll stick out like sore thumbs if we stand around here looking awkward’ she suggested after taking a rather large sip of alcohol.

‘I’m not sure if that’s a good idea’ I argued with her, afraid of losing her, or Frank, in the sea of people. While I knew they could look after themselves I’d rather not take the chance of something happening to them.

‘Oh, don’t be so over protective! We’re here, let’s enjoy-‘

‘Hey Lexi!’

I turned around at the nickname. Nobody ever called Alexia by her nickname except Frank, Ray, Mikey and I. My eyes landed on Darren, automatically narrowing at him. I clenched my fist, resisting the urge to hit him.

‘Oh, hey’ Alexia blushed, making my fist twitch.

‘I didn’t think you’d come’ he smiled with satisfaction as he saw the effect he had on her.

She shrugged, looking into her cup with embarrassment. Darren glanced at me, his eyes taking my displeased expression and clenched fist in before a little smirk appeared on his face.

‘Well, I’ll be around, come find me later.’ With that he walked away, perhaps afraid I would actually cause a fight. Which I might have if he hung around for too much longer.

‘What’s wrong with you?’ Alexia asked when she finally looked at me.

‘Nothing, let’s go outside or something, it’s too hot in here.’ I grabbed Alexia’s hand again, hoping people would notice and word would get back to Darren. I wasn’t going to let some stuck up jock take Alexia away from me, not when we finally seemed to be going somewhere. I couldn’t help the small smile that broke out on my face when I felt her lace her fingers with mine, gripping my hand tightly. They fit so perfectly together, like our hands were just meant for each other. I looked at her face, finding that she was still blushing but now I was certain it was because of me. I wanted to kiss her, right there in front of everyone. I almost did, until Frank broke the moment.

‘So…are we going outside or what?’

He was pissed, I could tell by the death look he was throwing me. I ignored it, determined not to let him ruin this for me. I simply nodded my head, before leading the way out through the kitchen and out to the back garden, where the majority of people were smoking. I took the opportunity to light up my own cigarette, Ray and Mikey following my example.

‘Can I grab one?’ Frank asked me. I raised an eyebrow at him, before handing the packet to him along with my lighter. I was surprised he was talking to me, let alone having the balls to ask for my cigarettes. Then again, maybe I was over reacting, seeing a rival in someone who would never have a chance anyway.

Alexia rolled her eyes at us smoking, although she kept her mouth shut. She gave out to us for years for smoking before she gave up, instead shooting us looks that screamed ‘I won’t have sympathy when you all die from cancer.’ We tried, unsuccessfully, to get her to join us in our addiction but the thing about Alexia is that nobody can make her do anything she doesn’t want. No amount of peer pressure or name calling will change that, or hair pulling.

‘What are you rejects doing here?’

I turned around, jumping slightly at the unexpected voice. Johnston was towering over me, trying to be intimidating.

‘We got invited Johnston, now please do everyone a favour and kindly go fuck off and annoy someone who gives a shit.’

Alexia was still pissed about the incident on Monday, her voice cold as ice and hard.

‘Watch that mouth Collins, or I might have to find another use for it.’

I stepped forward, about to knock him out when Alexia stopped me, smiling at me.

‘Gerard don’t bother, he’s just trying to stir shit. He must be making up for his small dick. It’s interesting what you can find out in the girls locker room, isn’t it Johnston?’

Before I knew what was happening he raced forward, about to go for Alexia when he was pulled back.

‘Dwyane, don’t be a fucking idiot.’ Darren hissed, keeping a good grip on him. ‘Hitting a girl, at a party in front of everyone no less, is asking for fucking trouble. Walk away.’

He shrugged his arm out of Darren’s grip, shooting us a look of pure hatred before storming off.

‘You want to watch yourselves around him, he’s out for your blood. Don’t rile him up unless you want trouble ‘cos next time I mightn’t be around.’ Darren warned, staring at Alexia while he spoke before walking away and joining his group.

‘I need another drink. You guys wait here, I’ll get you all another one.’ Alexia sighed.

‘Wait, I’ll finish this and go with you’ I offered.

‘Nah, it’s fine, I won’t be long.’

I let her go, watching her retreating form enter the house while I finished the remainder of my cigarette.

‘He’s got a thing for Alexia.’ Frank muttered, pointing at Darren.

‘I know’ I replied, equally sour.

‘Dude, she wouldn’t actually go for him. He’s not her type, plus she hates the jocks. Do you really think she would actually go out with one?’ Mikey reasoned, trying to make me see sense.

‘True’ I agreed. One of the stoners came over to us, joining us for a while. He was enthusiastic, and definitely high. He was interesting though, so much so I forget about Alexia.

‘Guys, I’m going to check on Lexi, she’s been gone for a while.’

I didn’t wait for a response, my feet impatient to get going and find her. I pushed through the crowd in the kitchen, my eyes scanning for a sign of her. Before I could find her I heard a high pitch call out my name.

‘Gerard! I was hoping you would turn up’ Brittany slurred at me, coming right up to me and invading my personal space. I tried to take a step back but instead ended up getting pushed closer to her.

‘He-hey…Brittany. I was just looking for someone.’

‘And you did, you found me!’

I laughed weakly, my smile forced.

‘Sure…anyway I better-‘

‘You’re so cute, you know that! That whole awkward act, it’s kinda hot.’

It happened so quickly I didn’t realise what had happened at first. Her lips came crashing into mine, her lip gloss sticky and unappealing. I stood in shock for a moment before pushing her away, disgusted. I heard the sound of bottles smash behind me, my eyes automatically searching for the source of the noise. They widened when they fell on Alexia, shock and hurt written on her face. I could see the tears welling in her eyes before she turned and fled, getting lost in the crowd.

‘Shit’ I cussed, walking away from Brittany who looked livid. I ignored her, the only thought racing through my mind was that I needed to find Alexia. I fought against the bodies blocking my path, my movements growing more desperate when I lost sight of her completely. My hands gripped my hair, frustrated at Brittany and her perfect fucking timing.  


### Notes


	9. Chapter Nine

  
I searched the house for at least half an hour before I returned to the yard, anger coursing through my veins at myself for being stupid and at Brittany for being such a classless bitch. My hands were twitching from the desire to go find Brittany and punch her, even though I abhorred violence against women. With one stupid move she had destroyed any chance I had with Alexia. She ruined everything and I was determined to make her pay for it when the time came.  
I found Ray and Mikey where I had left them, although they were now a lot more drunk and wearing identical expressions of concern.

‘What’s wrong?’ I asked, looking for a distraction.

‘I don’t know man, Lexi just came back five minutes ago crying her eyes out. I think something happened but she wouldn’t talk to us. Frank took her over there’ Mikey pointed over to the right hand side of the garden which was pretty much pitch black and unused for the moment ‘ I think he’s trying to calm her down.’

I sprinted away from them before Mikey had even finished, panic and the desperate need to explain what had happened fuelling my body to run like it never had before. If only our Gym teacher could see me now. I slowed down when I heard the low hum of voices, Alexia’s distinctive voice easily recognisable even if her words were indecipherable. In the moonlight I could just about make the two shapes out, sitting side by side on the grass with two bottles lying carelessly by their side. I hid behind a tree that was conveniently located a few feet away from them, giving me the perfect vantage point to spy on them without being seen. My instincts told me to get as close as I could while remaining hidden. Although I knew I was wrong to eavesdrop I had to know what Alexia was truly thinking. She would only snap at me in anger if I faced her now. She always lashed out first without thinking.

‘…so fucking angry. I actually believed he felt the same way about me, I mean he asked me to go to Homecoming. Then he turns around and kisses the biggest slut in school. How fucking stupid could I be?’

‘Lexi I’m sure there’s more to it than that. Gerard wouldn’t do that to you.’ Thank God Frank was on my side.

‘He just did Frank, in front of everyone! I feel like such a fucking idiot.’ She let out a few sobs, the kind that made my chest constrict with guilt knowing I was the cause of them. The fact that I had hurt her enough for her to produce such a sound made me want to die, I was certain the weight of guilt would crush my soul.

Frank remained silent, ignoring my silent telepathic pleas to say something, anything, in my defence. He could salvage the situation a little if he tried hard enough; I had to believe he could help. I refused to give in to the thought that this was the end of everything I worked towards for the last few years. Frank waited awkwardly until her cries had subsided to say his piece.

‘Sometimes guys make stupid mistakes. You should talk to him and find out why it happened when you’re less angry.’

There was a tense silence that seemed to linger forever while I remained hidden, waiting with baited breath in the hope that I would hear something more positive.

‘You know, maybe this was a good thing’ Alexia eventually spoke, her words coming out in stuttered sharp breaths ‘maybe we were being stupid to try and make our friendship into something more. He’s my best friend, maybe it should just stay that way. Even if Gerard has a good explanation for what happened with Brittany it doesn’t change the fact that if things go wrong I’d lose my oldest friend in the world. Maybe it’s a line we shouldn’t cross.’

My heart stopped beating at those words; a cold sweat broke out as though somebody had just thrown a bucket of cold water over me. It was her defeated and resigned tone that did the damage. An angry Alexia was someone who could be reasoned with at a later point in time when she was calm. The girl I saw sitting next to Frank wasn’t angry. She was hurt, heartbroken and possibly convinced that what had happened was a sign that we weren’t meant to be. That was a girl who couldn’t be persuaded otherwise if she truly believed that we were better off remaining friends. I wasn’t sure if I could accept that. I had to remind my lungs to keep breathing calmly, the hurt that was rising in my soul making my breaths sharp and laboured.

‘Only you know what the right thing to do is Lexi. Either way, I’ll be here for you if you need someone to talk too.’

Frank covered Alexia’s clasped hands with one of his own. Alexia was too engrossed in her own self pity to fully realise what Frank had done until he had given her hand a little squeeze.

‘Thanks Frank, for listening I mean.’

‘What are friends for?’ he shrugged carelessly.

‘Don’t ever fall in love Frank. It fucking sucks.’

She loved me? I was certain I hadn’t heard the words right. I had guessed, or hoped that she had feelings for me but being in love with me was something I hadn’t even contemplated. If she was then surely I still had a chance. She wouldn’t let one mistake get in the way if she loved me, I was positive about that. It would take time for her to forgive me if she was really pissed off but when that faded in time she would let me back in.

‘It really does.’ He agreed with a sigh.

Her eyebrows furrowed, resulting in a loose tear rolling down her cheek which she quickly wiped away.

‘Aaawww. Is widdle Fwankie in love?’ she mocked.

‘Don’t do that’ I was stunned by how harsh his tone was, obviously annoyed and insulted by Alexia’s unintentional condescension.

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. You want to talk about it?’

‘Not really. She wouldn’t ever look at me so there’s nothing to talk about. Even if she did notice me I’m too scared to do anything about it.’

I could see how Alexia’s eyes softened in sympathy in the moonlight. Somehow it further emphasised her running mascara and eyeliner. She looked the perfect picture of a teenage mess, yet she was still beautiful. It was Alexia’s vulnerability that made her so striking, when her eyes were glazed and her teeth bit at her lower lip to try to prevent the tears from escaping. Those were the rare moments that she let the tough façade disappear and showed the real Lexi that was underneath. I loved those moments when she would let me hug her without the threat of getting a punch, where she would unashamedly accept comfort from me. I suppose it was why I spent so many of my formative years trying to make her cry. Even when I was the cause of her pain she always let me be the one to make her feel better.

‘You shouldn’t be scared. If she can’t see you for the amazing catch you are then she doesn’t deserve you. It’s her loss’ Alexia mumbled.

Frank just gave her a weak smile, not believing a word she said.

‘I think I need more alcohol. Do you think there’s any more jell-o shots left?’

‘Only one way to find out.’ Frank stood up, holding his hand out for Alexia to take before helping her stand up. They stumbled back to the party, still holding hands as they walked into the house. I remained where I was, my troubled mind needing some space to think clearly before rejoining what was definitely the worst party I was ever unfortunate enough to attend.


	10. Chapter Ten

  
I don’t know how long I stayed outside for. The thought of going back to the party was too much at first. I needed solitude and peace to sort out my thoughts and figure out where I could go from here. I leaned against the scratchy bark of the tree I had been using for cover and slid down ungracefully until my ass hit the ground soundlessly. I let out a sigh, mentally debating with myself how the situation might turn out. If she meant what she said and she did indeed love me I had a chance to make things right. If she loved me she would want to believe in me. I tried my best to hold on to that hope because the alternative was almost too much to bear. If she wouldn’t listen to me or genuinely believed this was all a mistake there was nothing I could say to her change her mind. Her stubbornness was an admirable trait most of the time but right now I wished I knew how to meld and manipulate her into realising just how perfect we are for each other.

I was eventually pulled away from my thoughts by a drunken Mikey calling out my name as he stumbled in my direction. His glasses were slightly crooked, as was his smile. His hair was in disarray and his grey shirt, which had been ironed before leaving the house, was now creased and dishevelled looking. If I didn’t know any better I would guess he had been making out with some chick until he remembered I was missing. He didn’t see me sitting underneath the tree, and I did nothing to stop him from tripping over my stretched out legs which were cloaked in black jeans. As depressed and agitated as I was, I couldn’t help the girly giggle that escaped my mouth when he crash landed onto the grass with a comedic ‘oomph’ and a yelp of pain as his cheek hit the ground. A string of curses spewed from his mouth, making me laugh even harder to the point where I was clutching my sides in pain as my muscles began to ache. When Mikey eventually managed to focus his drunken vision on me he attempted to give me a threatening glare which was far from threatening.

‘Where have you been? Dude, there’s like, chicks…that wanna make out…like seriously.’ His slurred words barely made any sense to me.

‘I don’t wanna make out with any chicks Mikey.’

‘Why not? Ray’s making out with Melissa from my Geography class¸ Frank’s making out with Alexia I think, you have to get in on the action!’

It took a second for the meaning of his words to register with me, and when they did I leapt to my feet in anger.

‘Where are they?’ I hissed, my brain beginning to shut down and primitive instincts took control.

‘Inside’ he giggled, not taking notice of my sudden dangerous change of mood. I took off without another word, leaving Mikey to try and catch up with me. I didn’t hear his words as he called after, my hearing had gone haywire as my mind was focused only on finding Frank and beating his ass to a pulp. When I reached the house I pushed my way through the crowd, shoving people out of my way aggressively. I ignored the indignant yells that followed in my wake, I couldn’t care less about their feelings when my own were being ripped to shreds. They were nowhere to be found in the kitchen, which was slightly emptier than it was an hour or so ago. The hallway was filled with people though, all tightly pressed together without a care as the alcohol they consumed took effect. I groaned in frustration when I couldn’t find them there either, forcing me to delve into the large living room where the main action was taking place. It was packed, with little or no space to move as people danced on the makeshift dance floor in the centre of the room. My lip curled in disgust at the so called dancing of some of the ‘couples’ which was nothing short of mindless grinding. My eyes fervently scanned the room for any sign of Alexia and Frank. I did a double take when I saw Frank, who was on the make shift dance floor with some freshman girl. I could see how Mikey made the mistake. She was the same height as Alexia and had the same hair colour. In his drunken state he had obviously confused the two girls. I felt instant relief at the sight, and I felt like I could breathe again. I wanted to go home before any more damage was done tonight. I swiftly grabbed a hold of Frank, practically dragging him away from the clutches of the brunette he had been ‘dancing’ with.

‘Where’s Lexi? We’re going now!’ I yelled over the loud beat of the music.

He shrugged before pointing towards the table full of drink.

‘Go get Ray and Mikey and meet me outside.’ I instructed before walking away from him, as my senses started to return. I had barely made it three steps when I was stopped, I didn’t even contain my impulse to flinch when Brittany laid her hand on my arm. I pulled it away as though she had shocked me, my disgust at the sight of her obvious by my expression.

‘Hey, where have you been? I’ve been looking for you!’ she giggled as she pulled at her pink mini skirt that left nothing to the imagination. Her matching halter top was becoming loose, showing off her cleavage.

‘Trying to get away from you’ I mumbled before detaching myself from her and making a quick escape. Her reaction time had slowed down which meant it was incredibly easy for me to get away. I walked to the smaller sitting room across the room, which was occupied by a small group of jocks including Darren and Alexia sitting on the black leather couch. I gritted my teeth when I saw Alexia sitting beside him, their thighs touching due to their proximity each other. She was smiling at him sweetly, giving him all her attention as she tilted her head to the side. She had fixed her running mascara since she left the garden; nobody would know that less than an hour ago she had been bawling her eyes out. Darren’s back was facing me but I could only imagine the self satisfied smirk that was on his face. In his mind he had a drunk Alexia exactly where he wanted her. I strode over to them in a flash, not saying a word as I grabbed Alexia by the arm and pulled her off the couch roughly. She gave me a death glare as she stumbled to her feet, while Darren quickly scrambled to his feet and stood up tall in what I assumed was a threatening stance.

‘Let go of her’ he almost growled.

‘Why, so you can fuck her while she’s passed out like you did with Katie Finch last year?’

Alexia looked at me shocked, before shooting Darren a questioning glance. He was about to respond to me until Alexia tugged at my arm and muttered a ‘let’s go’ , thankfully believing me in spite of her anger and letting me lead her out of the room before we could hear whatever excuse he was going to make up. Alexia refused to make eye contact with me as we walked, pulling her hand away from my arm the moment we made it out the front door. Frank had located Ray and Mikey and the trio were waiting for us at the end of the driveway.

‘Man, that party fucking rocked’ Mikey exclaimed when he saw me, his body slightly.

‘Fuck yeah, I finally got Melissa’s number’ Ray grinned while high fiving Mikey.

‘Now that’s what I’m talking about!’

I couldn’t respond, my anger at how badly the night went was barely contained. I knew I was shaking, so I decided to stay out of the conversation as we walked to my car. The five minute walk earlier now took at least fifteen minutes as the gang stumbled, giggled and pushed each other all the way to the car. Alexia was acting like she had a perfect night, she was jumping around and messing with Ray’s hair before she hopped onto his back for a piggy back ride. It killed me to see her pretending that nothing had happened earlier. She was trying to show me that she was unaffected by Brittany’s actions.

The car ride was agonisingly slow, with a drunk Frank rambling in my ear as he sat in the front passenger seat which Alexia normally occupied. She had chosen to sit in the back as a snub against me. By the time we pulled up outside my house I just wanted to scream in frustration. I had a low tolerance for drunken banter when I was sober and coupled with my already foul mood it meant that I was one step away from snapping. I kept my mouth shut and tried to ignore everyone as I opened the front door and let the rest in. Their drunken whispers were too loud and I was certain my mother could hear it from her bedroom. I knew I was in for a lecture in the morning when I got up.

‘Ray you’re in my room. Frank you stay with Mikey. I’ll make you a bed on the couch’ I told Alexia, who merely nodded at me. I got the spare pillows and quilt from the upstairs closet while the guys went to bed. I had just finished setting the pillows and quilt down when Alexia came out from the bathroom, make up free and clothed her Bambi pyjamas that I bought her last Christmas. I smirked at the memory of her ripping the wrapping paper and squealing with delight when she saw the picture of Thumper and Bambi on the top. The silence was awkward as we stood opposite each other; I wanted to break it but for some reason my throat had seized up.

‘Thanks’ she muttered sullenly, striding past me and lying down on the couch, pulling the duvet around her and turning her back to me.

‘Lexi, the kiss with Brittany, it wasn’t what it look like.’ I didn’t care how pathetic my voice sounded as I pleaded with her to believe me.

‘Okay’ she replied shortly as she still refused to face me.

‘Lexi, please.’

She sighed angrily before throwing the duvet off her body, her eyes were blazing with hurt and fury as they fixed on my shaking body.

‘Gerard, I don’t care if the kiss wasn’t what it looked like. It doesn’t matter. You’re free to kiss and date whoever you want to. It’s not like we’re dating or made any kind of promise to each other. So let’s just leave it at that.’

‘I don’t want to. You’re angry, and you’re right to be but don’t do this!’

‘And what exactly is it that I’m doing?’

‘You’re being passive aggressive and bitchy instead of talking to me. You’d rather think I’m a dick than listen to me.’

She scoffed at me.

‘Fine Gerard, I’m the bad person in this scenario. Whatever.’

She turned her back on me again, immediately igniting my anger. Before she could throw herself back on the couch I grabbed her arm and made her face me. Before I knew what I was doing I kissed her roughly on the mouth. She pushed me away in a matter of seconds before slapping me across the face, a loud smack resounding around the otherwise quiet room.

‘Fuck you. I’m not some fucking whore, don’t you dare-‘

I cut her off with another kiss, this time shoving my tongue in her mouth. She raised her hands to my chest in an attempt to push me away again, which I thwarted by taking a hold of her wrists. She didn’t try to struggle anymore as we kissed hungrily, her tongue battling with my own in a fight for dominance. When I ran out of breath I ended the kiss, taking a few sharp painful breaths.

‘Don’t pretend you don’t care. I’m not letting you push me away, not now.’

Her eyes started to water as she pushed me away from her trembling body.

‘Just go Gerard.’

I knew she wanted to be left alone, if I tried to force myself on her anymore she would snap. I dragged my feet unwillingly up to my bedroom, fighting against my desire to comfort her while she settled back down on the couch. The last thing I heard that night was the sound of muffled crying before I passed out from exhaustion.  


### Notes


	11. Chapter Eleven

  
I realised what a big mistake I made the next morning when I went downstairs and saw Alexia had already left. Ray, Mikey and Frank were lounging on the couch while my mother made breakfast for them. I have no idea where my father was, and to be honest I didn’t care. What I did care about was the fact that Alexia was so pissed off at me that she left before breakfast. I remembered my actions from the night before, and with hindsight I could see that I handled it very badly. It was a major screw up and I wasn’t sure if I could fix it. The sympathetic look the guys gave me made me want to cringe, although I wasn’t sure if it was because of what happened with Alexia or because my mother was probably going to murder me for all the noise last night.

‘Gerard, can you come in here please?’

I visibly flinched at the sound of my mother’s voice shouting from the kitchen, whoss tone suggested that I was in for a lecture. Of course the idiots that got drunk and made all the noise last night wouldn’t face her wrath; that privilege belonged to me as always. No matter the situation it was always my responsibility if something went wrong. I trudged my way into the kitchen with the feeling of dread in my stomach. My mother’s expression was hard to decipher as she fried some sausages and eggs,

‘So…how was last night?’

I swallowed hard while my hand scratched the back of my neck.

‘It was okay, just a normal party you know?’

‘Really? Then why was Alexia running out of here so early this morning?’

I hesitated before answering, I didn’t want to lie but I sure as hell wasn’t going to tell her the full truth either.

‘We just had a little argument’ I eventually answered.

Her eyes scrutinized me as she searched for any signs of guilt or lying. After an awkward minute of trying not to squirm she focused on the pan again.

‘Nice bruise you got there’ my mother commented, not sounded at all concerned.

I touched the cheek Alexia had hit last night, and held back a hiss as a short sting of pain shot through it. I prodded it lightly, checking out the damage.

‘Shit’ I muttered, rushing out of the kitchen to look in the large mirror that hung above the fire place in the living room. I could see the mark straight away, it was light blue with a hint of pink surrounding it which I had no doubt was bright red last night. My mother’s lack of questioning meant that she had heard the argument last night, which made my stomach drop uncomfortably. It also made me wonder if the guys had heard, the last thing I needed was to be berated by Mikey or Ray over what happened. They might not show it often but they were protective of Alexia and they would have no problem calling me out on my behaviour. My inspection of my reflection was cut short by my mother calling us in for breakfast.

I took a seat at the table and avoided eye contact with everyone. I felt like shit, and I didn’t need their incriminating looks to make me feel worse. I could feel my mother’s anger simmering underneath her nice façade in front of the others. She knew there was no point in giving out to me after the fact but I knew she wanted to yell. She put a plate in front of me wordlessly and barely responded to my muttered thanks. Mikey and Frank talked nonstop the entire time, but I didn’t have any energy for mindless chit chat that wouldn’t help my racing mind and aching heart.

I knew this was what heartbreak felt like. I could feel the physical pain in my chest when I thought about the possibility of losing Alexia. Kissing her like I did last night in anger was perhaps the worst move I could have made. Now she would feel used, on top of the hurt and anger she was harbouring. I needed to find a way to convince her that I truly cared about her, that I didn’t want anybody but her. Her self esteem was quite low, something she tried to hide underneath a façade of confidence and indifference to what people thought of her. She didn’t think she was pretty, or amazing or perfect in almost every way. I wanted her to see how I saw her.

The thought gave me an idea, a plan that might just get me back into Alexia’s good book again, and maybe her arms.  
***************************************************  
It was half ten that night before I had everything ready. I sent her a text telling her to meet me at our old tree house. By ours, I mean an old abandoned one we found a few blocks away that we claimed as our own. It smelled foul and was dank when we first came across it over ten years ago, but after a bit of cleaning it was habitable. I managed to steal a few things from my Grandmother, like a rug and some night lights to give it a more homely feel. Over the years we also bought bean bags for when we managed to steal alcohol. The place had a lot of memories and it meant a lot to all of us.

I waited for her with slight impatience. I checked my watch every couple of minutes, fearful that she wouldn’t come. Maybe she was still angry enough to avoid seeing me. When it hit eleven o’ clock I began to worry. I was about to leave when I heard somebody climbing up the steps to the tree house. I was relieved when I saw Alexia crawl through the door even though she was looking at me with narrowed eyes that made it clear she was angry.

‘This better be good Way. My Dad’s home, if I get caught I’m grounded for life.’

I didn’t answer her straight away. I took in the sight of her in her skinny jeans and a Nightmare before Christmas long sleeved top. Her cheeks were flushed from her journey, something I couldn’t help but find adorable

‘Look, I know I was out of line last night. But I think you know that you were too. We’re both so scared of getting hurt, or hurting the other that we’re just waiting for something to go wrong. I just…’

I wanted to say the three words, to let her know how I truly felt. Fear held me back though. I was afraid of scaring her, or that she wouldn’t believe me. Even though she had said the words herself last night, she hadn’t said them to me. Maybe she wasn’t ready for a big declaration of love. As I stood facing her, watching her curl her arms around herself and eyeing me with a weary look, I knew it wasn’t the right moment.

‘I just wish you could see how I see you. So I made you this.’

I held out the sketch I had made for her earlier. It was folded up and tightened with an elastic band to keep it from opening. She took it from me with a shaking hand, her eyes not leaving mine. She took the elastic off the paper and opened it with delicate fingers, obviously afraid of cutting herself. She had done it numerous times before. Her green eyes widened when she looked at the page, her flushed cheeks growing redder as stared at the charcoal sketch I had made of her. I had worked on it for hours, anxious to get it right. I hadn’t looked at any photographs of her while drawing it; I wanted to draw her as I pictured her in my mind whenever I thought of her. I could see her eyes glaze over slightly, and I knew I had done something right. She was touched; I could tell when she no longer looked at me with blazing anger but with softened eyes, which were slightly glassy and had enlarged pupils.

‘Gerard, I don’t know what to say.’

‘Then don’t say anything. I know they say opposites attract but I think we’re the exception to the rule. We’re so alike it kind of scares me sometimes. We both like the same music, we’re both hot tempered and stubborn as fuck. And we’re both shit with words. So I also made this.’

I pulled the CD I had burned for her out of my pocket. She gave me a questioning look when she saw there were no song titles written on the disc.

‘I want you to listen to it tonight’ was all I said in response.

She nodded at me, biting her lip and standing awkwardly as she decided how she should react. She was never good when it came to the emotional or sentimental stuff. Her Dad was often a cold man who only showed affection to Alexia so I could understand where it came from.  
I decided to put her out of her misery by closing the space between us and wrapping my arms around her. She melted into me and took a deep breath in which mimicked my own heavy breathing. I didn’t prolong the hug; instead I kissed her cheek and pulled away.

‘Text me when you finish listening to the CD.’

There was nothing else to say so I gave her a reassuring look and a small smile before I climbed down from the tree house and ran all the way home before I could get caught.  



	12. Chapter Twelve

  
I snuck back in through my bedroom window without drawing any attention to the fact that I had left. I was tired and I quickly changed into my pyjamas before lying on top of my bed. I could hear music coming from Mikey’s room and I smiled as the melancholic voice of Morrissey reaches my ears. I was relieved by Lexi’s reaction and hopeful maybe we could get back on track. I decided to call to her house tomorrow and take her out on a proper date. I had to show her that I meant what I said. I could take her to a movie maybe, but then again that was something we had done a million times. I wanted to do something original, something meaningful but in this town it was hard to do either. I sighed heavily and rubbed my forehead in frustration. I heard the sound of glass smashing from downstairs and I shot up to attention. I bolted out of my room, stopping short at the top of the stairs as I heard my Mother’s raised voice. My parents were in the living room, which was lit only by the large, silver lamp that rested beside the couch. I could make out their shapes but the darkness shadowed everything else. My mother was standing in the middle of the room, presumably facing my father who was standing beside the mantel piece. The shattered shards of glass must have fallen from the mantel piece, judging by the reflective light I could see near my father’s feet.

‘You are NOT taking my sons Don! God damn it we’ve given enough already!’

‘Donna I don’t have any choice.’

‘Bullshit! You just don’t want to stand up to Nigel. Heaven forbid your sons should take priority over the fucking Company. I’ve taken a lot of shit over the years but this is the last straw. What about Iero and Toro? Are they being dragged into this too?’

My dad released a long suffering sigh.

‘Yes, among others.’

‘Even Alexia?’

‘No. He’s leaving her out of it, after what he promised Marie…he wouldn’t break his last promise to her.’

‘So, it’s alright for OUR sons to be dragged into the Company but not her?’ I had never heard my mother speak with such venom in my life, and it scared me. I had no idea what they were talking about, but Lexi’s name being mentioned made sure I listened intently.

‘Would it make you feel better if she was?’ my father snapped, losing his temper which was not something I saw too often. He was cold, calculating and not quick to anger. Instead he would wait before acting.

‘No’ my mother whispered, her voice wavering.

‘We have time…it won’t be until Gerard finishes school.’

‘Why are they waiting?’

‘Nigel wants to keep Alexia in the dark for as long as possible. He’ll do anything to keep her out of harm’s way.’

There was a pregnant pause before I heard my mother break down in tears; her sobs were choked and gasping. I could see my father’s shape walk over to my mother and wrap his arms around her. She cried into his shoulder for a minute before she let him go.

‘Donald please…you can’t let him do this…they’re our sons.’

‘I don’t want this any more than you do…I’m going to do whatever I can to try and stop it, but if one of them goes they _all_ go Donna. It’s the way he wants it.’

My mother continued to cry, the sounds making me uncomfortable and forcing me to move.  
I slithered back into my room, praying that they didn’t hear me closing the door. My head was spinning; none of what I had heard made any sense to me. All I know is that the words filled me with a sense of foreboding and a new found fear for the future.

***************************************************************************  
The next morning I entered the living room with trepidation. There was no evidence of the broken glass from the night before, and my mother was humming while pottering around the kitchen. I spent half the night awake, my brain was determined to solve the puzzle from last night even though I had no idea what the picture was. I was frustrated and anxious, and dying for some fucking coffee. I stepped into the kitchen and almost cried from happiness when I saw the coffee machine was freshly boiled. I didn’t speak a word to Mikey or my mother as I grabbed my Batman mug and poured myself a cup of the life giving liquid, mindlessly adding sugar and creamer to make the drink perfect, or as close to perfect as non Starbucks coffee could be.

‘Morning’ my mother greeted my cheerfully. I grunted in reply before sitting at the table opposite Mikey who was wolfing down his cereal at an alarming speed. It was frankly disgusting the way he would shovel food in his mouth without stopping. I took a few sips of mu drink and felt my brain slowly start to work again. I studied my mother with a few sneaked glances. It was hard to believe that a few hours ago she was a blubbering mess, and now she was fucking _humming_ as she tidied the kitchen. It boggled my mind, and I was determined to get to the bottom of it.

‘Are you going to eat something pet?’ my mother questioned when she caught me looking at her

‘I could make you some toast if you want.’

‘Toast would be good’ I mutter, not feeling at all hungry but I know my mother would go on about it until I ate.

‘Dude, will you drive me to the Mall later? I want to pick up a few records at the music store.’

I glared at him, but he looked back at me unaffected.

‘Fine, but I’m not waiting on your ass all day. You’ll get half an hour.’

‘Thanks bro’ he grinned, he knew that my threat was useless. I might be an asshole sometimes but I wouldn’t ever be downright mean. My mother put two slices of buttered toast in front of me, giving me one of her famous smiles. I could see how fake it was though, and upon closer inspection I saw just how sad her eyes were. There was no light behind them anymore; it was like someone had stolen her happiness away.

I had to look away before I crumbled under the weight of her sadness. I just wish I knew how to make her happy again.  



	13. Chapter Thirteen

  
I had sent a text to Ray, Frank and Aexia asking if they wanted to go to the mall with me and Mikey. I waited an hour for Lexi to get in touch before I admitted to myself that she was probably avoiding me. It was a blow to my ego and my pride. I had thought my actions would be enough to get onto her good side again, but obviously not judging by the lack of communication. Ray was the only one who got back in touch with me, making me suspicious as to whether Frank’s radio silence was connected with Lexi’s silence. I tried to tell my jealous mind that it was nothing but pure coincidence and absurd paranoia.

Mikey was perky as always as he sat in the back seat, accepting his position as bottom of the pecking order when it came to shot gun. Ray was humming along to Morrissey as I drove into the city. I decided to park about a ten minute walk away from the Mall, pre-empting the full car park. Plus, there was a comic book store on the way to the mall that we could take a look at. I decided that I couldn’t do anything about the situation with Alexia at that moment so I may as well try to distract myself. I had parked in the dodgy part of town but I didn’t care. I had stopped being afraid a long time ago, plus with Ray beside me I knew nobody would be stupid enough to try and take us on. I was use to the dilapidated buildings and broken windows that made up the street. The businesses that were opened were all protected by bullet proof glass windows encased by steel bars, and metal gates on the doors which all had CCTV. There were numerous alleys along the street which further emphasised the creepy vibe.

‘Dude, I can’t wait for the next X-Men, it’s gonna be awesome’ Mikey was excited; his love for comics was only matched by my own.

‘What do you thinks’ going to happen?’ Ray asked, getting into the conversation.

‘Well, I’d say-‘

A loud male scream stopped us in our tracks. It came from the alley across the street from us, which was too shadowed for us to see clearly. I looked to Ray, debating whether to get involved or not. For all we knew, guns could be involved and growing up in Jersey taught us not to get involved in anything you couldn’t handle. We could hear the sound of someone getting beaten, pretty badly. I got my cell phone out, ready to call the cops when I heard a female shout mixed in with the male yelling ‘Stupid Bitch’. I handed my cell to Mikey.

‘Call the cops. Me and Ray will check it out.’

I started running over to the alley, Ray following me. We tried to be as quiet as possible, knowing that barging in without any idea of what we were up against was idiotic. I peered into the alley, not at all ready for the sight I was met with.

Frank was on the ground, curled up in a foetal position with his hands and arms covering his face. Johnston was pounding on him without mercy, while another jock had Alexia pinned up against the wall. He was shaking his hand in the air, and I could see the blood dripping onto the ground. Before I could move another step the guy punched Lexi in the stomach full force, letting her fall to the ground on her knees as she gasped to regain some of the breath she had lost.

‘Fucking bitch, I’ll make you regret that you fucking whore.’ He raged.

I lost all coherent train of thought as I ran into the alley, jumping on the guy before he could see me coming. I got him to the ground before I started punching him. Ray had followed me in and ran over to Johnston, grabbing him by the shoulders and landing him a head butt square on the nose. If I had been fully aware of what was going on I would have warned him it was a bad move, as he swayed a little while Johnston stumbled, clutching his nose and letting out some cusses. The jock I was punching seemed to be knocked out, but the adrenaline was still coursing through me. I got up and walked over to Johnston, who landed a closed fist on my cheek the minute I was within reach. It was all I needed to give me the extra push, before I tackled him to the ground and landed a couple of punches of my own.

I wrestled with Johnston on the ground, ignoring what was going on around me. Ray seemed to be checking Frank, who was unconscious. Alexia was kicking the shit out of the jock on the ground who was still groaning in pain but seemingly not able to defend himself. A felt a fist connect with my stomach, winding me and leaving me vulnerable as Johnston took advantage and stood up, landing kicks everywhere he could reach. The assault seemed to stop suddenly, and when I got my breath back I saw Alexia holding a broken bottle and Johnston out cold on the ground. Ray looked at Alexia with concern as she took in deep, heaving breaths. I stood up on shaky legs then leaned against the wall when they failed to support me properly. In the distance I could hear sirens, briefly wondering who would have called the cops. Then I remembered Mikey. I wanted to walk and find him but my legs were in no condition to help me. I could hear Alexia mumble to herself, something along the lines of ‘oh my God’ but my brain was too foggy to really try and figure it out.

‘Jesus Christ, what the fuck?’

Mikey’s voice rang out, the panic making his voice go high pitch.

‘Mikey, get out of here. Go home, tell your parents what happened, okay?’ Ray ordered calmly.

‘What, why?’ Mikey questioned.

‘Cos the cops are going to arrest us stupid. There’re three guys unconscious on the ground, two because of us. Get going!’

Mikey hesitated for a second, for running away clutching my cell phone.

We didn’t have to wait too long before the cops came, along with Paramedics. I watched in a daze as they checked Frank, Johnston and his friend before putting them in the ambulance that was waiting. They gave us a quick once over to make sure we have no serious injuries before driving away. Once they were gone, a cop made his way over to me to question me.  
I knew it looked bad. Three teenage boys were unconscious boys on the ground, and none of us looked half as bad as them. I explained what happened to the cop, but I could tell by the way his eyes narrowed at me he didn’t believe me, or he just didn’t like the look of me. Ray was talking to a female cop while Alexia was stammering her story to a young cop who looked like a rookie.

‘Alright Gerard, just give me a moment’ the cop, who never told me his name, muttered before motioning for the other two to join him. They were deep in discussion for a few minutes before they walked back over to us.

‘Alright, seeing as we have three unconscious boys and no witnesses to verify your story, we’re going to have to take you to the station to question you. Could you all turn around, please?’

We all did what we were told, and were promptly handcuffed before being thrown into the back of the police car.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

  
We didn’t speak a word to each other as we sat in the back seat of the car. My lip was still bleeding and my head was pounding so hard I was certain it was going to explode. My entire body was shivering with tremors as the seriousness of the situation we were in started to sink in. I started to question whether we had gone too far, if we had let mindless violence overtake what was right. Then I remembered Fran’s unconscious body and I felt justified. I didn’t even want to think about what they would have done to Lexi when they finished with Frank. I had a sudden image of Lexi being held down, screaming for help while they hurt her. I didn’t care what happened to me as long as I knew she was safe from harm. Then again, after bottling Johnston over the head maybe she wasn’t as helpless as I thought she was. Out of the corner of my eye I could see she was panicking. Her face was pale with a clear sheen of sweat; her chest was rising and falling rapidly while taking in loud deep breaths. She was scared, and the handcuffs prevented me from giving her the comfort she needed. Ray looked calm as he kept his eyes focused straight ahead but I knew it wasn’t how he felt. I could see the clogs ticking in his head, figuring out our options and what was likely to happen to us. Until Frank woke up and spoke to the cops we were screwed.

Thinking of Frank led me to wonder how exactly he and Lexi ended up on that side of town. The likely answer was they were going to check out the comic book store like we were, but why hadn’t they responded to my text? Did they go to be alone? Suddenly I felt cold as the truth of the situation hit me. They were seeing each other. That was why she had ignored me. Maybe that was why she was so angry with me when I kissed her. Maybe my paranoia stemmed from truth rather than irrational jealousy. It all made sense to me now, and it hurt more than anything else I ever experienced. I had lost Lexi to one of my best friends, and there was nothing I could do about it. I had played all my cards, I had done everything I could think of to let her know how I felt and it hadn’t been enough. Any fear or panic I’d felt suddenly faded, and I was left with nothing but hurt and cold fury. For a split second, I regretted getting involved and helping Frank. He deserved what he got if he thought it was cool to steal Lexi away from me. Maybe karma was real after all I thought bitterly. Then I reminded myself that Frank was still my friend. Not a very good one apparently, but he was still one of the few people in the world that meant something to me. He was a douche bag, and an asshole, but he didn’t deserve to get his ass handed to him by Johnston. Plus, if I hadn’t been there Lexi would have suffered and in spite of the God awful pain she caused me right now I would never let anything bad happen to her. I would rather die than see her in pain.

I stole another look at her, catching her watching me. I almost swore I heard a whimper from her, before she scooted closer to me by a fraction of an inch. I then felt her cuffed hands reach for mine, grasping my fingers and linking them. The action was a reminder of all the other innocent touches we shared that had meant something more to me and it made her betrayal hurt more, but I couldn’t refuse the comfort she so obviously needed. When we reached the station she wrenched her hand away from me, and we were escorted inside. We were separated and taken into different rooms for further questioning. Well, they called it further questioning, I called it making me repeat the story a million times until my voice went hoarse. I had asked for a phone call but they told me I had to wait, with sarcastic smirks that told me they were enjoying making me sweat. I gritted my teeth as they bombarded me with the same questions, hoping I would slip up or give any indication that I was lying. I had always believed that Cops were suppose to help people, that they were the good guys but the two officers who stared at me with condescension weren’t good guys. They were assholes who abused their power for their own amusement.

Once Frank was okay, _if_ he was okay, the situation would hopefully be cleared up. Until then, I had no idea what was going to happen. My throbbing head ached even more when I thought about how my parents would react. Mikey had gone home before the cops came so surely they know what had happened by now? Were they waiting for me to come home, or did they realise by now that I was still in police custody? The interrogation was interrupted by a timid looking female cop, who rushed over to the cop who was in the middle of asking me question. She whispered in his ear and I saw his expressionless face drop a little. He stood up sharply.

‘I’ll be back in one moment’ he barked, storming out of the room with a slam of the door.  
I sat and waited patiently, being handcuffed and all meant I could do nothing else. I didn’t have to wait too long before the door opened again, this time the cop was followed by my father. I had never been so happy to see him as I was in that moment.

‘You’re free to go’ the cop muttered, un-cuffing me with narrowed eyes.

The unnervingly calm expression on my father’s face made me nervous. I was worried that I was in for a lecture when I got home. Even though we hadn’t done anything wrong I wouldn’t be surprised if I was still somehow responsible for what happened in my parents’ eyes. I stood up slowly, the pain in my ribs hindering my movements. I followed my father through the door and out of the holding area in silence. When we were buzzed out into the reception area I spotted Alexia with Mr Collins and Ray with his father.

The moment Alexia saw me she sprinted towards me with alarming speed, slamming into my body painfully and wrapping her arms around my waist tightly. Ignoring the shooting pain I felt I responded by hugging her back, breathing in the scent of her shampoo. Having her so close to me, clinging onto me with desperation, made all the pain of the last few hours go away for a few glorious seconds.

‘Are you okay?’ she asked with a choked breath.

‘I’m fine. Have you heard any news about Frank?’

‘Not much, only that he’s in ICU.’

I released her, my cheeks flaming up when I saw the look on Mr Collins face. It was nothing short of murderous, and it was only through pure stubbornness that I met the gaze unflinchingly. Mr Collins had always scared me. He scared Alexia at times, and for good reason. He didn’t take any bullshit from anybody, and anybody who defied him would be put back in place very quickly. He radiated power and barely concealed anger.

I turned my gaze to my father.

‘Dad, I’m going to go see Frank’ I informed him. He nodded his consent, and I wondered if he was as concerned for Frank’s well being as I was.

‘Dad, can I go?’ Ray asked, receiving a curt ‘go ahead’ from Mr Toro.

‘I’m going with you’ Lexi stated.

‘Alexia, we’re going home now.’ Mr Collins commanded.

‘Dad, I’m not just going to sit at home while one of my best friends is in ICU.’

‘Lexi you’ll do as you’re told. You can see him in the tomorrow.’

‘No, I’m going to see him now. I’m not a child anymore Dad, I’ll be eighteen soon. You can’t keep telling me what to do!’

I could only watch with extreme unease as father and daughter had a silent stare down in the middle of a police station. I didn’t know how Lexi could meet his hard eyes with such defiance; her body language matched his own as they both stood rigidly still.

‘I’m warning you now Lexi, if you go there’ll be consequences.’ His voice was dangerously quiet and filled with an unspoken threat.

‘Fine’ she snapped at him.

‘C’mon, let’s go’ she ordered, grabbing my hand and dragging me away. Mr Collin’s gaze followed us as my Dad and Ray trailed behind us. My father gave Mr Collins a pointed look, as though to reassure him that he would make sure Lexi was safe. The drive was quiet as the three of us sat in the backseat, Lexi sitting close beside me and holding my hand tightly.

We were shown to Frank’s room straight away when we reached ICU. I winced at the sight of him black and blue with IV’s stuck in his skinny arms. He looked so frail, and the sight of his mother sitting beside him with tears in her eyes made it even harder to see.

‘How is he Linda?’ My Dad asked, his voice softer than normal.

‘He’ll be okay, they just want to keep him in here overnight then they’ll transfer him tomorrow onto one of the wards…I just can’t believe someone would do this to my baby.’

She burst into tears, her shoulders shaking as she covered her face with her hands. All we could do was stand there awkwardly as my Dad placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, reassuring her that everything would be alright. Lexi’s hand laced with mine as we watched the scene, resting her head on my shoulder as the tears fell silently down her cheeks.  



	15. Chapter Fifteen

  
We stayed at in the hospital for hours, unable to leave while Frank was still asleep. Alexia held my hand the entire time, as though she were afraid I would leave if she let go. Hearing the news that Frank would be okay had relieved some of my concern, letting my mind fill with other thoughts. What exactly was going on between them? Alexia’s silent tears were a pretty good indication that they were more than friends, and it made me want to scream and shout, or maybe just hit something. It made the tight hold on me hurt even more. Even though she had chosen someone else, she still wanted me in her time of need. While a part of me was happy that she would still need me, I couldn’t help the resentment that was clawing at me. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it. I couldn’t sit back and watch the two of them together while the jealousy burned and scorched every part of me. It was too much to bear. She had made her choice and we would both suffer for it.

‘I’m going to get coffee’ I muttered.

‘I’ll go with you’ Ray volunteered.

‘Maybe we should all go’ my Dad suggested, watching Linda clutching Frank’s hand.

‘You go’ Alexia spoke softly to Linda ‘I’ll stay in case he wakes up.’

The jealousy reared its ugly head, and the shocked look on Ray’s face told me that it was plain to see it in my expression. I didn’t care, I couldn’t. All my energy felt like it had been sapped, and the only two emotions that I could process were anger and apathy. The physical pain in my ribs and stomach was nothing in comparison to the aching void in my heart. I turned and walked out before the others had even taken a step towards the door. I knew I was being childish and immature but in my current state I felt like I was entitled to be. The only girl I had ever loved was finally out of my reach and it made everything else pale into insignificance. Nothing else could hurt me. By the time I reached the cafeteria everyone else was only a few steps behind me. My Dad and Linda must have put it down to my being upset over Frank’s state, but Ray knew better. He took the seat beside me when we sat at the cheap plastic table with matching chairs. The place was definitely not designed with comfort in mind as the cold plastic froze my ass through my denim jeans.

‘Gerard, you don’t know if anything is going on.’ Ray whispered while my Dad and Linda talked, my Dad placing a consoling hand on her shoulder.

‘C’mon Ray, even you can see the way she’s looking at him. It’s over.’

‘No it’s not. Gerard, if you love her then you have to fight for it. Don’t let her slip away so easily. You see how she looks at Frank, but I see how she looks at _you._ Don’t let petty jealousy cloud your judgment. Go talk to her before you do something rash.’

I opened my mouth to object but he silenced me with a look.

‘Go Gerard. I’ll keep them occupied here for a while longer. Go.’

I reluctantly stood up, grabbing my coffee and going back to the room the way we came. I racked my brain trying to figure out what to say. Alexia would get defensive if I said the wrong thing, and I knew Ray was right. I needed to talk to her and find out the truth. Maybe if I heard the words coming from her mouth it would help. When I approached the room I could hear voices. I recognised Frank’s straight away. I didn’t go inside, instead I decided to eavesdrop at the door. I would find out more that way.

‘Next time you ask me to meet up with you for a talk you can forget about it’ Frank’s dry voice was hoarse sounding a full of pain.

I heard Lexi’s choked sobs.

‘Hey, I was only joking. I’ll be okay Lexi, it’s only a couple of cracked ribs. What was it you wanted to talk to me about anyway?’

‘Now’s not the time to talk about it Frank.’

‘Yes it is. I’m in a bit of pain so I could do with the distraction.’

There was a pause while Frank waited for Alexia to start talking.

‘Last night…Gerard asked me to meet him in the tree house. He gave me a sketch he drew of me, and a mix CD. They were…they were beautiful Frank. He pretty much told me that he wanted to be with me. He asked me to text him when I got home but I feel asleep while listening to the CD. I just needed someone to talk to before I said anything to him. I’m just…I’m so confused Frankie.’

I could see the conflict in Frank’s eyes, meshed in with sadness and jealousy. I knew how he felt about Alexia. It was obvious from the way he looked at her, as though she were the most precious thing to him. The night of the party he had put his own emotions aside, counselling Alexia and advising her to hear me out. I couldn’t be so sure he would be so selfless again.

‘What’re you confused about? He obviously cares about you Lexi. What are you so scared of?’

‘That it doesn’t work out and I’ll lose my best friend.’

‘Bullshit. You know as well as I do Gerard would do anything for you. There’s nothing that would ever change that. You could shoot the guy and he’d still forgive you. What’s the real reason Lexi?’

‘I...if I tell you please don’t laugh at me, okay?’ her voice was shaking.

‘I promise.’

‘I’m just not sure if I’m ready for all the stuff that goes along with being a girlfriend Frank. I mean…look at me Frank; I’m not exactly the prettiest girl at school. He’s going to expect…stuff, and I’m not sure if I can do it. What if he realises that I’m not good enough for him?’

Frank let out a sigh. He didn’t like the thought of Alexia and I being together, it was showing on his face.

‘I don’t know Lexi…’ he sounded extremely uncomfortable ‘the guy’s in love with you, he has been for years. I think maybe you should talk to him about it. He’s waited a long time before making a move, I’m sure he won’t mind waiting a while longer for…other stuff.’

‘I’m making you uncomfortable, aren’t I?’ she sounded just as awkward as she asked the question, unaware of the true reason for his discomfort.

He looked up and caught me standing by the door listening to them. He gave me a flicker of sad smile before turning his attention back to Alexia.

‘Definitely. Just do me a favour and talk to him; knowing him he’s probably acting like a teenage girl on her period waiting for you to say something. Give the guy a chance to prove himself. Have a little faith in him.’

I’d never wanted to hug someone as much as I wanted to hug Frank right then. The happiness that flooded through me was enough to mask the guilt and shame I should have felt over the horrible thoughts that had gone through my head. He wasn’t a girl-stealing asshole who deserved to get his ass beaten. He was my fucking hero. How could I have ever doubted him and our friendship?

I decided to take my cue and I waltzed into the room with my coffee in hand.

‘Hey man, how are you feeling?’ I asked, doing my best to show my thanks with the smile I gave him. His returning smile told me he understood.

‘Like I got my ass beat.’

‘You look like it too.’ I joked.

‘Fuck you, you don’t like much better!’ he laughed in spite of himself.

I gave a short little chuckle. Sneaking a glance at Alexia I could see her cheeks were blazing, probably wondering if I heard their conversation. I didn’t give anything away as I sat on the chair beside her, lacing our hands together. Linda and my Dad chose to walk in at that moment, and I decided that we could talk about it later. Frank was right; I could wait a while longer. I would wait forever if I had to.  


### Notes


	16. Chapter Sixteen

We were eventually kicked out of the hospital when visiting hours were over. Frank would be stuck in the place for a few days at least, if not for a full week. He had rolled his eyes when the doctor told him before muttering that hospitals suck in resignation. It wouldn’t be Frank’s first stay in the place but his reaction was the same every time. He hated that his mother would have to take time off work to stay with him even though there was nothing she could do. His parents had divorced when he was young so his father was around even less than mine, putting most of the responsibility on Linda to provide stability in his life. When he was around he was a great dad, and he was a man I greatly admired. He wasn’t afraid to show Frank he loved him and he encouraged Frank’s love of music. In short, Frank senior was the opposite of my own father and the kind of father I aspired to be one day, bar the frequent absenteeism. Frank tried his best to hide it under an upbeat facade but we could all see he was in a lot of pain. I could only hope that Johnston and the fucker that came with him were in at least as much, if not more, pain. I hated seeing Frank so hurt, but as bad as I felt about Frank I found it impossible not to smile whenever I looked at Alexia. In less than a day I had gone from thinking I had her, to believing I’d lost her, only to realise that I was being jealous and paranoid and she was just scared. Her hand had remained in mine the entire time we sat with Frank, and even though she determinedly refused to look at me I knew that she was thinking about me. It was the way her hand twitched every time I moved as a shiver would run through her body, and the way her shoulders were leaning against mine that made me believe it. She was scared of what an ‘us’ would mean but I had time on my side to show her she didn’t have to be afraid. I would do everything I could to prove that to her. Even when we stood up to leave she continued to grip my hand with a possessive hold. We said goodbye to Frank with awkward words and sympathetic smiles.  
  
My father leads the way down the white halls and out of the hospital. We find the car and get in, none of us bothered to break the silence. I had talked so much today that I’d be happy to remain mute for the foreseeable future. My father doesn’t ask Ray for directions to his house; when we get there Ray mumbles his farewell and slips out of the car. Alexia starts to shake, and I quickly remember how she stormed out on her father in the station. I suddenly feel afraid for her. Her father wasn’t a man to cross; my own father wouldn’t dare to do so. Mr Collins was a man who had no problem taking his anger out on the people around him. Alexia wasn’t immune to this even if she was his daughter. I didn’t want her to go home anymore than she did. I wanted to protect her from whatever it was that she would face when she arrived back to her father. I could convince my parents to let her stay but avoidance wasn’t an option. It would only give him more time to stew in his anger. Alexia was in trouble no matter what way the situation was handled from here on out; I could only hope that by going home and apologising that she would be saved from a violent repercussion. The fearful anticipation was punishment enough in itself. She had full blown body tremors by the time we pulled into her drive way. I hoped that I was being paranoid but even my father had a look of mild concern on his face. In a moment of panic I opened my mouth.  
  
‘I’ll go with you’ I blurted out; the drive to protect Lexi was overriding my impulse control.  
  
‘I don’t think that’s a good idea Gerard’ my father warned, his tone authoritative but I ignored it.  
  
‘It’ll be fine. I’ll walk home.’  
  
My father sighed, frustrated at my stubbornness but he didn’t stop me from unbuckling my belt and exiting the car, dragging Lexi out with me. He drove off with alarming speed, taking his anger out on the road. I clutched Alexia’s hand a little tighter, throwing her a reassuring smile that didn’t seem to work.  
  
‘Hey, it’ll be okay. He’s pissed but I won’t let anything happen. He’ll probably just yell and ground you.’ I was trying to reassure myself with my words, praying that the bad feeling in my gut was just anxiety and not some kind of warning.  
  
I pulled her reluctant body behind me. With a shaking hand she pulled her keys out of her pocket, opened the door and led me inside. Her hand was still entangled in mine, but as long as Alexia didn’t mind I didn’t care if Mr Collins saw it. The door had barely clicked behind us when Mr Collin’s voice boomed out from his study, which was down the hallway and beside the kitchen.  
  
‘Alexia?’  
  
I could hear the ill concealed anger. Alexia’s fearful eyes widened when she heard his tone. She let out a shape breath before straightening her back and tensing her shoulders. She wouldn’t face her father with apologetic tears and frightened words. She had never played the daddy’s princess card when it came to punishments. She had grown up with boys and as such she wasn’t one for tears when she was in trouble. It was a downfall in a way; if she cried and told her father a few sweet words he would probably calm down. That wasn’t how this was going to turn out though; she would respond with equal anger and defiance, thus adding more fuel to an already heated situation. She finally let go of my hand and motioned for me to follow behind her. She wouldn’t cower behind me, it wouldn’t work even if we tried it. I was here to make sure it didn’t get out of hand. Mr Collins was a big man, but that didn’t perturb me too much. I would do whatever I had to do. The wooden floor and large hallway echoed our heavy steps down the hall. The door was closed, forcing Alexia to grab the rounded knob to reveal ourselves.  
  
Mr Collins was seated behind his desk when we entered. Upon seeing us he stood up and walked out from behind the large mahogany desk. The floor was wooden with a polished sheen, and the room was overly clean. Everything was clean and had a barely used feel to it. It betrayed his lack of time spent in the house. I didn’t take the previously unexplored room in; I was far more concerned with what was going on in front of me. Mr Collins continued his steps towards us until he was right in front of Alexia. He loomed over Alexia, intimidation and anger coming off him in waves. Alexia somehow managed to meet his eyes without flinching.  
  
‘So, I think you and I need to have a little talk-‘ Mr Collins began before Alexia cut him off.  
  
‘I’m not going to apologise’ Alexia interrupted, not holding or tongue. Her fear was making her rash and I wanted to shut her up before she said any more.  
  
‘Hold your tongue when I’m talking to you! Your behaviour today was nothing short of disrespectful and insolent. Not only do you get involved in some brawl in the middle of the day in a part of town I strictly _forbid_ you from entering, you then proceed to openly disrespect me in public. Your actions today have only proved your immaturity and my lack of discipline.’  
  
‘How can you discipline when you’re never around? Maybe I’m disrespectful because I _don’t_ respect you!’  
  
It happened in a flash, so quick that I didn’t have a chance to stop what happened. His hand cut through the air and landed on Alexia’s cheek with a loud crack. The force made her stumble, and she would have fallen if I hadn’t grabbed her. She cradled her cheek but I could see the large red hand print that was going to leave a bruise. I stepped in front of her, putting her out of his reach. I took a step forward in anger. Mr Collins ignored me and continued to talk to Alexia.  
  
‘We’ll finish this later when you learn to behave yourself. Go to your room and don’t even think of taking a step out of it until I call for you.’  
  
I was shaking with indignant anger. I wanted to do more. I wanted to punch his face in, or do something to vent my anger, but I wasn’t stupid enough to start something I knew I couldn’t win, not when Alexia was free from further harm. Alexia turned on her heel and stormed out of the room, I went to follow her when Mr Collins barked at me to wait. I stopped mid step, confused and a little afraid. I knew nothing good was coming from whatever he had to say but I refused to show my fear when I looked at him.  
  
‘You listen to me, and you listen good boy ‘cos I’m only going to have this conversation once. I know there’s something going on between you and Alexia, or at the very least you wish there was. I could threaten you to leave her alone but you’d only find a way to sneak around when you think I’m not watching. So instead I’m going to warn you. If you decide that you want to continue this…fantasy with my daughter, I will do everything in my power to make you wish you were never born. You’re safe for now, but one day very soon you won’t be, and when that day comes I will relish in tearing you apart. Alexia deserves better than some punk kid who thinks he knows better. In the end you’re going to break her heart. If you cared about her, you’d stop now before she gets hurt.’  
  
He walked back to his desk and sat down, clearly dismissing me from his presence. I stormed out, slamming the door behind me. The rage that pulsed through me clouded my mind, his words penetrating my mind, hitting a nerve. I left the house without checking on Alexia. Right now I just needed space and time to mull through Mr Collins words.  


### Notes


	17. Chapter Seventeen

Slamming the front door behind me didn’t help to vent my frustration. Pure red blooded rage was swimming in my veins, leaving no room for any sort of coherent thought other than how much I hated Mr. Collins right in that very moment. The fact he thought I was capable of hurting Alexia in any way infuriated me more than his idle threats. Surely everybody could see how much I loved her, how much I adored every freckle on her face and every strand of hair on her head. She was everything to me, and I would do everything in my power to make sure she never came to any harm, especially from me. If I thought having her in my life would hurt her, I would let her go. I would try, at least. My whole life revolved around Lexi, and there was no way in hell I would do anything that would destroy that. If Alexia was in pain, I was too. When she was upset, I felt it; in order to ensure my own happiness, keeping Alexia safe was in my interest. I was at my happiest when Alexia was happy. The hypocrisy of his words licked at my anger too; the sound of his open palm against Alexia’s cheek was ringing in my ears. How could he accuse me of hurting her when he could strike her without any remorse?

I shoved my hands into my pockets as I increased the frantic pace of my walking. The anger I felt at Mr Collins actions was equal to the hate and disappointment I felt at myself. I had stood there as he took his frustration out on Alexia. He struck her while I was frozen in shock, unable to respond fast enough to stop it.  I should have protected her; I should have defended her.  While I knew Alexia would have been pissed at me if I had reacted as violently as I wanted, I would have felt justified. By just standing there I had given him reason to believe that I was unable to protect her. Maybe he was right, maybe I wasn’t good enough for her. I would change that though. I would do everything in my power to show him that I was the only person who was worthy of her. I had never thought much about Mr Collins opinion of me. While he had always intimidated me, I never had reason or cause to believe that he didn’t like me. I had been in Alexia’s life for so long I had assumed I would have his approval if things worked out with Alexia. I hated to admit it, even to myself, but having Mr Collins cut me down as though I was nothing more than some random boy from school hurt. For all I knew, he could be talking to Alexia right now, telling her that she wasn’t allowed to be with me. I dreaded the outcome if that was the case. Alexia was a strong, opinionated person but in spite of her earlier claim of having no respect for her father, she was a daddy’s girl at heart. He was the only parent she had and she wanted his approval. She didn’t need it, and would do what she wanted whether she had it or not, but she still desired it. Would her desire to please her father override her rebellious side? This was much more than sneaking out at night, or going somewhere she wasn’t allowed to go. This wasn’t a little teenage rebellion. She would be openly defying him, something she hadn’t done until today at the police station.

I was keenly aware of how badly my body was aching after everything that had happened today. I had woken up with a belief that things were finally going in my favour; I had been so certain that I had finally won Alexia’s heart. Now, my body was bruised and sore, Frank was in hospital, and I felt like I might lose Alexia again. I didn’t want to doubt her after what I heard today; I knew she loved me. That didn’t mean I wasn’t naive enough to think that it would conquer all, and all the highs and lows of today was making it hard to see anything in a positive light. The thought of going home was just the icing on the cake; with my father home, I knew that I wouldn’t be getting off lightly like I would with my mother. It didn’t matter that I was defending my friends from a couple of dickless jocks; my father would still believe I was in the wrong. Somehow, he will find a way to make it my fault. I could just call over to Ray, or hide in the tree house, but I knew there was no point in avoiding the inevitable. I would be facing my father no matter what; the longer I left him to stew the worse it would be. Every stone that got in my way bore the brunt of my frustration with a swift kick, but it didn’t ease the trepidation and anger. The shaking had stopped by the time I reached the front door, and I could only hope it would stay that way.

I opened the front door, and my ears were immediately hit with the sound of the TV. The house was warming in contrast to outside, causing me to shiver as I adjusted to the change in temperature. I headed straight for the sitting room, knowing my father would be waiting for me. I wasn’t disappointed when I found him slouched on the couch with a beer in hand. He appeared relaxed and at ease, but I was certain he was seething underneath. He didn’t acknowledge my presence at first, so I stood patiently and waited for a sign to tell me what I should do next.

“Sit down.”

I was confused by how normal he sounded. I had expected to be faced with my father’s wrath and to see him so calm and collected left me on edge. Every muscle in my body had tensed under the strain of the pressure. He didn’t even look at me when I took the seat beside him. His eyes remained on the television, but I could tell he wasn’t fully focused on it;

“I’m proud of you, Gerard.”

My body stilled in shock, and if he hadn’t turned to look at me when the words left his mouth I wouldn’t have believed he had spoken them.

“You stood up for yourself and your friends when they needed you. That’s not something every man can say. How you react to situations like that shows the kind of man you are. You did good.”

I didn’t know how to respond to that. They were the words I longed to hear, but something about them didn’t feel right. There was a slight edge of resignation to his tone, even though his face remained impassive.

“You should go to bed. You had a rough day.”

He dismissed me with a nod of his head, obviously done with his father son bonding. It was never his strong point, and the minuscule bit of praise I’d received was worth a lot from him. I obeyed automatically, heaving my tired body off the couch. I had taken two steps when he spoke again.

“A little bit of advice Gerard. Mr Collins is a ruthless man, especially when it comes to family. I don’t know what’s going on with you and Alexia but, whatever it is, just be careful. The only thing more dangerous than a woman scorned is her angry father.”

I rushed upstairs, locking the door behind me. I leaned against the door, feeling like I could breathe again. My room was my fortress, the only place in the world that was truly mine. I could think properly when I was here. I took in a few steady breathes and forced my muscles to relax. Today had been the worst, and in some ways best, day of my life, and I had no idea how to feel about anything that had happened. It was too much to take in properly, especially when it felt like every part of my body was aching, including my brain. I needed sleep, and a few hours of unconsciousness to absorb everything. I flung myself onto my bed face down and fell asleep the moment my head hit the pillow.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this story is still alive. Writer's block is a bitch, but I have a direction for this story now. 
> 
> Forgive me? 
> 
> Lyra

Sleep didn’t come easy that night. My room was too hot, unbearably so it felt, and my dreams were all centred on Alexia, but none of them were good; in each and every one of them I somehow lost her in one way or another. In some, it was a result of her father dragging her away to some unknown place I couldn’t reach, no matter how much I tried to get there, no matter how hard I fought, or what lengths I went to, I just couldn’t find her. In others, I was trapped in a room, which was black and silent with no way out. I could hear Alexia outside the room, crying and screaming in fear and pain, and I was left to imagine the worst things possible while I tried to find a way out of the darkness to save her from whatever it was that was making her scream in unimaginable agony. That one had me waking up with tears streaming down my face and desperation still clinging to my fragile mind. I reached for my phone with every intention of ringing Alexia, just to hear her voice so I could go back to sleep knowing she was okay. I stopped when I saw the time, knowing that three thirty am wasn’t the appropriate time to call her unless it was a life or death emergency. Alexia loved her sleep, and if she was fortunate enough to find some, I wasn’t going to take it away from her.

I eventually had enough of the broken sleep at eight in the morning, so I forced my feet to drag my ass downstairs, to where my mother was up and making breakfast for my father. It was a strange sight to see him sitting at the table, reading a paper as though it was a normal thing for him to do. He acknowledged my entrance with a short, curt nod. My mother frowned when she saw the bags under my eyes. I was surprised when she didn’t say anything. She handed me a cup of coffee, which was freshly brewed from the coffee maker. She shot my father a pointed look, but I couldn’t find it within myself to care about it. It was too early, I was too tired, and frankly I was just too fucking cranky to think about much else other than Alexia, and Frank who was still stuck in hospital.

“How are you feeling this morning?” my dad asked, clearing his throat.

I guessed that explained my mother’s look. I really wished I could sigh and just ask him to drop it. I wasn’t in the mood to talk this early in normal circumstances, add a sleepless night and an aching body, and I was in a positively shitty mood. I just knew it was going to be a bad day. I could feel it in my bones; it was something in the air that put me on edge, something made me anticipate it being a day were nothing would go right. I was wound up, agitated and all I wanted was to crawl back into bed, preferably with Alexia in my arms, where I knew she would be safe. After the previous night’s events, I didn’t want her to be around her dad any more than she had to. He was an ill-tempered man, and whoever was on the wrong end of it was going to suffer the wrath. I didn’t want that to be Alexia. I wanted her here, with me. She was always happy here, with me and Mikey and my mother. I couldn’t explain all that to dad, though. He wouldn’t understand how I felt, he never did. I knew the answer he wanted to hear, so I was going to give it to him.

“I’m okay. Bit sore, is all” I muttered, staring at the eggs and bacon my mother had just put in front of me. The eggs were over easy, just how I liked them. She even cut my toast into little soldiers, making me feel like I was five years old. Towering over her small height and the ability to grow facial hair wasn’t enough to convince her that I was too old for my toast to be cut like a child’s. I would never say it to her; I could just see the look on her face if I ever reminded her that I was almost an adult. She liked taking care of me and Mikey when she could, and it was something I would never deny her.

“Are you going to visit Frank today?” my mother asked, her tone filled with sadness.

“Yup”.

I took a bite of toast, which I’d dipped into egg yolk, hoping to avoid further questioning. It worked, and I was left to eat my breakfast in silence. It was hard to swallow the food; my throat was dry and it seemed to work against me. I really wanted to go back to my room, where I could just be alone for a little while. I felt like so much shit was happening lately, and I had no time to really process any of it. I just wanted a break from all the madness, confusion and doubt that had infested itself in every part of my life. I managed to get most of the food into me before I excused myself from the table, ignoring the concerned glance that my mother threw in my direction. I didn’t bother to get dressed yet when I finally made it back to my sanctuary. I just sat at my desk with my mug of coffee and my pencil, drawing anything that came to mind that I could put on paper. I lost myself in that for a couple of hours; the next time I looked at the time it was after eleven. I decided to text Alexia; I hadn’t talked to her since the night before, which made me worry more than I’d like to admit. I sent the message with anticipation, waiting for a reply that would hopefully put me out of my misery. I got dressed in the mean time, and picked out a few comics for Frank to keep him occupied in the hospital. An hour went past with no word from Alexia, and the panic started to creep into my mind. I picked my phone up again to call her. One, two, five rings before the phone clicked.

“Hello” Alexia’s voice was raspy, and I immediately felt guilty for waking her.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“I’ve been better.”

It wasn’t the reassuring answer that I had wanted, but at least I knew she was okay.

“I was going to visit Frank, shall I pick you up?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t even know if I’m grounded or not. It might be best to lay low for a while.”

I wanted to tell her that I loved her, that I didn’t care if her dad was pissed. I held it in, though; none of it would make things better in the moment.

“I miss you” I told her instead, wishing she knew what I was really trying to say.

“I miss you too. Tell Frankie I’m sorry I can’t be there.”

We said our goodbyes, and I hung up, feeling less anxious than before.

I made it to the hospital before one, with Mikey in tow. Frank looked far better than he had the day before, he even had the semblance of a smile on his face when I handed him the comics.

“I’m out of here today, I think. I get the next week off school, though” he grinned, pleased with the prospect of avoiding school legitimately.

“Kind of an extreme way to get time off” I teased, earning a chuckle from Frank.

Mikey eventually offered to grab us coffee, leaving an awkward silence in his place. I wanted to thank Frank for what he’d done the previous day, that I hoped he was truly okay with the idea of Alexia and I together, but it was hard to find the words.

“Dude, don’t say it. As long as you don’t hurt her, we’re cool” He stated.

“Okay.”

Mikey came back far too quickly, so the conversation was left at that. Ray came by later with a shit load of sweets, which only emphasised Lexi’s absence.  His mother came around at five with the doctor, and by six he was discharged. His mother insisted that we all came over for dinner, since ‘poor little Frankie’ would be stuck inside for the next few days while he healed. It was fucking funny as hell to see his mother fuss so much.She reminded me of my own mother whenever one of us was sick. She made his favourite dinner, catered to his every whim, and practically waited on him hand and foot the whole time we were there. Of course we ripped the shit out of him the second she was gone. It should have been the perfect distraction, but the only thing on my mind was Alexia, and how much I missed her when she wasn’t around. I texted her the entire evening, not giving a shit when the guys made fun of me for it. I flipped them off and ignored them. She was the most important thing in my world, and I wasn’t afraid if the whole world knew it.


	19. Chapter 19

Alexia was grounded for the next week, which meant we had no time alone at all. Joshua had dropped her off at school every morning, and the minute school let out, he was there, waiting for Lexi. It would be a bit of an understatement to say that it was driving me fucking crazy. Things should have been a little bit easier now, but I couldn’t help but feel Lexi was pulling away a little bit. It was nothing obvious that got my guard up, but there was just an underlying tension whenever I got too close to her. We could have found a way to sneak off, if we really wanted to, but Lexi always found a way to argue against skipping a class or leaving Mikey and Ray alone at lunch. I got the feeling it was something to do with her dad, whether she was afraid that word would get back to him somehow, or if he had said something to her to make her so emotionally distant. Or maybe I was just paranoid. She wasn’t acting any differently per say, it was just a feeling that I couldn’t shake off. Maybe it was just Frank’s absence and the lack of freedom that got her so antsy. I let it go, though; I was certain bringing it up too soon would only lead to a defensive Lexi. I decided to wait until she was officially off house arrest, which would also coincide with Frank’s return to school. He was still delicate, but once he had his pain meds he was fit enough to return to school. He wasn’t too happy about such an early return to school, but his mother insisted that ‘it was for the best’. Of course, I wouldn’t be a good friend if I didn’t laugh at him when he gave out shit about it every afternoon when Mikey, Ray and I would go over and do our homework at his place. His mother was at work all day, so we felt it was our duty to keep him company when we could. I only felt bad that Lexi wasn’t there. I could tell Frank missed her, even if he didn’t mention it.

Monday morning was here, though, and everything would be going back to normal. Or, at least, as normal as possible; considering Frank was only barely walking, and Lexi was still a little standoffish when I picked her up. Her smile was there, her tone was normal, but I just couldn’t shake off the nagging feeling in the back of my mind that something wasn’t quite right. Frank was the last to be collected, and the smile on his face when he saw Lexi, and her returning smile , made the jealousy I tried to ignore simmer slightly under the surface. It didn’t matter that Frankie had made it clear he would never make a move, or how obvious it was that Lexi obviously wanted to be with me, I couldn’t make that irrational part of me vanish overnight. I wondered if it would ever disappear, or would I forever remain a little fucking crazy over Lexi’s friendship with Frank. Maybe it was just a part of my nature to jealousy covet anything I desired. And boy, did I desire Lexi, even when she was being cold. The car ride was uneventful, and Frank more than made up for the week absence by talking our fucking ears off, like we haven’t been over in his house every afternoon. To be fair, Alexia had been absent, so they did have a lot to catch up on. I tried to keep my concentration on the road, and not on the lively banter between Frank, Mikey and Lexi. Ray was tuning them out, it seemed, his head elsewhere.

The first couple of classes went by in a flash, with a still distant Lexi. I decided to do something about it when lunch came around. I grabbed her before she could escape to her locker, and dragged her to an old art supply closet that wasn’t used anymore. Her eyes were widened in panic when I pushed her in, and I could imagine what was going through her mind.

“Gerard, what are we doing here?”

She was trying to sound unaffected, but she failed miserably. I could hear the little tremor in her voice, which, if I’m honest, pissed me off. Then again, I wasn’t the gentlest person either, so maybe she couldn’t be blamed for thinking I was going to man-handle her. Which, don’t get me wrong, the teenage hormone fuelled part of me wanted to do, there was no question about that. I wasn’t a beast, though, and I could control myself.

“I just wanted to talk to you. Is that a crime?” I asked.

“No, I just don’t see the need for locking us in a closet. If we got caught, we’d be lucky to get off with a suspension.”

“Since when do you care about getting caught?”

“Oh, I dunno, maybe since my dad decided to stay home for a while to, I quote, ‘keep an eye on me’? He’s still pissed, apparently. He almost didn’t let me ride in your car today. He’s tightening the parental strings big time.” I could hear the frustration in her voice, and it was evident on her face too.

“Has he hurt you again?” I was genuinely concerned.

“No, at least not physically. He actually apologised for hitting me, he bought me a new stereo and everything. He just- “ she stopped, biting her lip in frustration.

“What?”

“I think he has a big problem with the idea of me growing up. I mentioned the idea of college to him, and I thought he was going to flip. He even gave me a little speech on how I’m not ready to be dating.”

“To date, or to date me?” I growled.

“Please, dad actually likes you. I just think he’s afraid of losing control over me. I’ve always been this little girl to him, because whenever he was around I’d play into his little fantasy that I was a little princess or something.”

Alexia had no knowledge of the words that her father had said to me, and I wasn’t going to be the one to tell her. Her father was smarter than to outright tell her that he despised me. He was probably waiting for me to spell it out, and suffer Lexi’s wrath for it. As angry as she was at her dad right now, she would find some way to excuse or play down his little speech.  I just had to hold it in and let it go somehow.

“I missed you,” I whispered, not just to change the subject, but because I really had missed her over the last week.

She swallowed nervously, and her eyes were suddenly more interested in the ground.

“I missed you too,” she replied, barely loud enough for me to hear. 

I couldn’t help myself. I raised her head back up to face me, and kissed her before the moment got ruined, as it inevitably would. She didn’t resist at all, in fact she wrapped her arms around my shoulders to pull me closer into her. It was a sweet kiss, not one born out of anger, like the last kiss we shared. It was perfect, and the feel of her lips on mine would never get old, I swear. She would always feel right. We broke apart when we became a little breathless, with matching smiles on our faces.

“We should go, before we get caught,” Lexi whispered, with great reluctance.

“You’re right. Are you coming over to mine later?” I asked, hoping she’d say yes, but aware that the likely answer would be a resounding no.

“I don’t think so. I think I should try and play nice with dad for a while.”

“You’re probably right. God, it sucks when your dad is around.”

“Tell me about it. He’ll be gone soon, though.”

I pressed my ear against the door, listening for any sound on the other side. The coast seemed clear, and I risked opening the door a sliver. The hallway was empty, thankfully, letting us escape from the closet without being noticed. I couldn’t get the smile off my face, though, earning nothing but teasing from Ray and Mikey, and a subdued silence from Frank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the cuteness. Who knows how long it will last for? (Well, I do, but that doesn't count)
> 
> Lyra


	20. Chapter 20

“So, are you guys all set for the Homecoming dance?” Mikey asked, taking a bite out of his sandwich and fixing his glasses.

Shit. With everything going on, I’d forgotten Homecoming was this week. The formal dance was being held on Friday, after the game. Was that why Alexia was pissed off with me? I looked at her, and I was relieved that she looked just as surprised as I did. She blushed a little, meeting my eyes, then quickly took Ray’s bag of chips and opened them with a savage tug.

“I’d forgotten about it.”I admitted, shrugging my shoulders and grabbing a few chips from the bag in Lexi’s hands.

“What do you even see in him?” Mikey rolled his eyes, sniggering at me while poking Alexia’s rib, earning a smack in the arm for his effort.

“Beats me,” she sighed, glaring in my direction for a brief moment before breaking into giggles.

“You forgot too,” I defended myself, a little embarrassed that I’d let myself forget about my first proper date with Alexia, as though I hadn’t been waiting for it for years.

“Maybe, but _you_ asked _me,_ remember?”

I had no defence against that. It wasn’t the best way to start this new chapter of our relationship, but I knew Alexia wasn’t truly bothered. Everything seemed so crazy lately, it was inevitable that some things were going to be sidelined, especially with Lexi’s dad trying to put a wedge between us. Shit, _would_ he let Alexia go? That was a distinct possibility when taking his recent behaviour into account. Alexia’s playful expression went blank when the thought crossed my mind, and I knew that she had just thought of the same thing. She looked so sad right then, my hand instinctively sought out her hand, clutching it with a gentle squeeze of reassurance. I would have kissed her, but I knew she wouldn’t appreciate it in front of the rest of the guys. She tried to cover up her thoughts, quickly plastering a smile on her face and twisting her hand away from mine.

“Are you losers gonna come with us?” Alexia asked, to my surprise and annoyance.

“Maybe,’ Ray shrugged, ‘I was thinking of asking Melissa, actually. It is senior year, last chance to do all the cliché shit.”

“Dude, you haven’t asked her yet? How do you know she hasn’t been asked by someone else yet?” Alexia questioned, either ignoring or unaware of the glare I was sending her way. Was she always going to avoid the two of us being alone? What was it that scared her so much about us being left alone? Maybe I was being paranoid, but I highly doubted it.

“We’ve been texting and stuff, and she hasn’t mentioned it. I was going to ask her after Geometry later.”

“Ooohhh, Ray, you sly dog, keeping us out of the loop. Will we be adding a new member to our group?” Mikey had to put his two cents in. I didn’t listen to the rest too much, stewing in my annoyance.

I didn’t talk much for the rest of the day, afraid that I would snap at the wrong person. Alexia gave me a few puzzled looks during classes and a few notes, but I ignored each and every one of them. If she couldn’t figure it out herself, then she didn’t deserve to know. And yeah, I knew I sounded like a teenage girl, but I was getting really frustrated with the lack of any fucking progression in our relationship. Things should have been moving on, we should have been able to do couple-type things without the guys hanging around. I wanted to hold her hand, or kiss her, without the guys gawking and mocking us, or Frank glaring. Was it too much to ask for just one thing to be just ours? When we were let out of our last class, I went straight to my locker without waiting for Alexia, afraid I might lose my cool like I was so prone to these days. Alexia sensed my agitation, and thankfully she stayed away from me. I was too angryto care about the way she was biting her lip when she waited by my car, her big eyes searching for a clue that would help solve the puzzle. I just got in the car, turning on the radio to kill the silence. I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty when Alexia took her place in the passenger seat. Mikey and Frank came not too long afterwards, so all we were waiting for was for Ray’s appearance. I wondered what the hell was taking him so long while I lit up a cigarette, ignoring Alexia’s glare. She hated it when I smoked in the car, but fuck it, it was my car, and it was up to me if I smoked in it or not. Alexia’s phone rang in the middle of her conversation with Mikey.

“Hi, Mrs. Way.”

I was surprised that my mother would call her. I strained to hear what she was saying on the other end, but I couldn’t make it out. I could hear excitement in her voice, though, so whatever it was, it was good.

“Yeah, we are…Not yet, no…I have to ask dad…oh, okay…yeah, I’ll ask him. Thanks Mrs. Way…Donna…I’ll see you soon.”

I looked at her, expecting an explanation. Instead, all she said was “I’m going over to yours,” before she continued her conversation with Mikey. I gritted my teeth, and pushed down my desire to snap. Ray came bounding into the car soon after I finished the cigarette.

“What took you so long?” I asked.

“I asked Melissa to Homecoming.”

“And?”

“She said yes.”

“Awesome, man!Congrats!” I gave him a genuine smile.

I started the car and drove us back to mine. Ray’s news had put me in a slightly better mood. I’m a sucker for romance, I suppose. I grabbed Alexia’s hand, holding her back while everyone else got out of the car. Alexia waited until everyone was gone before facing me.

“You gonna tell me what got up your ass?”

“I thought things would be different.”

She furrowed her eyebrows, confused, “What do you mean?”

I sighed, leaning back in my seat, “I mean, things should be different between us. We never do anything alone, just the two of us. I asked you to Homecoming, not the guys. I wanted us to do something different, something for us. I feel like _you_ don’t want this. It feels like you’re avoiding being alone with me, and I’m getting a bit tired of it.”

“Gerard, I…I’m sorry. I just don’t know how to do this. You know that.”

“Neither do I, but at least I’m trying.” I accused.

“I _am_ trying, Gerard, but it’s a bit hard, okay. You’re just so-”

“So what?”

“ _Intense._ Dad had a talk with me, that night. He said some things, and I just…I just don’t want to go rushing into this. I’m sorry if I made you feel like I don’t want this, I’m just trying to be cautious.”

“I’m being intense?” I asked incredulously.

“Gerard, you’re pissed because we’re not spending enough time alone. Why should it matter if we’re alone, as long as we’re together?”

I didn’t give her an answer. Instead, I pressed my lips against hers. She opened her mouth, and within seconds our tongues were dancing together, battling for dominance. She let me win, something neither of us minded. The lack of oxygen forced us apart eventually.

“Because we can’t do that when the guys are around.” I grinned.

“That’s my point. We’re teenagers, and I don’t want us taking things too far before we’re ready.” She was blushing.

“And we won’t. But that doesn’t mean we can’t have a little bit of fun. We're teenagers, we’re,” I stopped myself before I finished that with ‘in love’, “we like each other. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

She nodded, clearly uncomfortable with the conversation. I decided to leave it be, for the time being. I gave her one last kiss, before going inside the house, where my mother was waiting.

“You ready?” she asked Alexia, ignoring me completely.

“Hello to you too, mother,” I grumbled.

“Don’t sulk, Gerard. Lexi and I have a bit of shopping to do. The sooner we get going, the better.”

“Shopping for what?”

“Dresses,” Alexia supplied, not looking particularly pleased,which was in complete contrast to my mother, who looked excited to finally have an excuse to take Alexia dress shopping. I hid the smirk that threatened to break out, well aware of how Alexia felt about shopping, and dresses.

“Have fun,” I grinned, earning a smack form Alexia when my mother wasn’t looking before they departed.

Better her than me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in updating this. My bad! Let me know if you guys still reading, there hasn't been much feedback on this lately as I have no way to judge if you guys are reading or even enjoying it. 
> 
> Lyra


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, your eyes did not decieve you. I have, in fact, updated this. The reason for the lack of updates was that I'm planning to rework My Home Way, and Kids. There will be a major plot change in Kids, which may or may not make way for a sequel. 
> 
> Please, please, comment and let me know that you are still interested even after the long absence. I want to know that people will still be interested in the story. 
> 
> To the readers who do read this, thank you for sticking with this, and for your patience. I have a new twitter account, @MCR_Lyra, follow me! You can ask me questions, nag me to update, or just have a chat. I'm easy.
> 
> Lyra xxx

“Gerard, are you ready yet?” My mother called from downstairs.

“Almost,” I yelled back, before returning my attention to the mirror in front of me.

I gave myself a critical once over. I was wearing a suit, and it felt strangely suffocating. I was used to wearing a uniform, so the shirt and tie combination shouldn’t have been an issue. My shirt was white, with black trousers and a matching suit jacket. My tie was the only bit of real colour – it was blood red. My mother had handed it to me with a sly smile on her thin lips earlier that day. I assumed it was to match the dress Lexi was wearing. She also handed me a bottle of gel and told me to ‘do something with my hair’. I knew I’d never hear the end of it if I didn’t at least style it to look a little tamer, so in the end, I decided to slick it back a little.

Looking in the mirror, I didn’t really feel like me. I felt like I was playing dress up, trying to be a grown up, when I was far from it. I found the whole thing a little…distasteful, in a way. Sure, it would be nice to see Alexia dressed up, and to take her out, but I was beginning to wonder if I had chosen the right place for our first official outing as…well, whatever we were. That was another thing we needed to talk about.

I wasn’t big into labels, but there was no denying that the lack of a term for our relationship status was making things a little bit awkward. I didn’t know how to describe who she was to me. She was my best friend, but she was also more than that. Girlfriend sounded like a lame title. It sounded too juvenile. Which, I was, but my feelings for Lexi were far from juvenile.

“Gerard, she’s going to be here soon. Get your ass down here now!”

I sighed, and lifted a hand to run through my hair, before I remembered that I had half a tube of gel in it, and swiftly dropped my hand back down to my side. I left the sanctuary of my room, and forced my feet to take me down the stairs to the living room, where my mother was waiting anxiously for Alexia to arrive.

“Ma, you’re making me nervous. Stop it,” I scolded, fixing my tie.

“Hey, who’s the parent here?” my mother muttered defensively, before her hand swiped my hand away from my tie and fixed it back in place.

“It’s a shame Mikey isn’t going,” she sighed.

“It’s only homecoming, ma.”

“You think that now.”

There was a sadness to her tone, one that I was hearing far too frequently for my liking. I wanted to ask her about the conversation I’d overheard between her and dad that night. I wanted to know if her fear should be mine also. I hated seeing my mother in a perpetual state of anxiety and resignation. She tried to hide it, but I could see it in every movement, every word she spoke.

“Ma, I wanted-“

I was cut off by the click of the front door, which signalled that someone had entered the house. I knew who it was, even before I felt my body tingle like some kind of homing beacon. Sometimes, I swore I could literally _feel_ her presence. It was scary at times, as much as it was comforting.

It was strange, that she was coming to me on our first date. I had wanted to do the traditional thing of picking her up, but I had to concede that going over to her place, while her father was still home, was not the best of ideas. I hated that a part of me was still frightened of him, and what he might do to me. It wasn’t enough to frighten me away from Lexi, though; only her house, for the foreseeable future. I knew he wouldn’t be around long. In fact, I was surprised he was still around after a couple of weeks. He would normally be home for a few days, before going off for a few days, just like my own father.

“Oh, I knew the dress was perfect! You look stunning!”

My mother was beaming, taking in the sight of Alexis walking into the living room. I couldn’t help but smile, my eyes taking in just how different she looked.  It wasn’t one of those cliché ‘wow, I can’t believe how beautiful she is’ moments. I already knew how beautiful she was, no matter what she wore. She certainly looked far more feminine than I had ever seen her before, and I can’t deny that I enjoyed the sight. My assumption about my tie had been correct. It matched her dress perfectly. It fitted her nicely, showing off her curves and chest which were normally hidden under baggy clothes.

“Hey,” she greeted uneasily, and her discomfort was obvious to see. She was out of her normal comfort zone, so I understood. Her brown hair was loose, which, again, was something she normally didn’t do. I didn’t realise just how long it had gotten.It was past her shoulder blades now.

“Hey,” I replied.

“Nice suit,” I could hear the sarcastic undertone. I wasn’t surprised that she was poking fun at my more formal look.

“Nice dress.”

That shut her up, with blushing cheeks. My mother ignored our exchange, and in seconds she was pushing us together, side by side, so she could take photos.

We were told to pose, with my arm around Lexi. It’s something that I had done a million times before, but it wasn’t quite the same when the gesture was forced for someone else’s amusement. Our smiles were obviously false, especially when we were both dying to leave and get the hell away from my mother’s attempt at photography.

“Smile, guys! This is supposed to be _fun_ _,_ ” she sighed with frustration.

“It would be, if we weren’t stuck in front of a camera, so we could actually get to the dance,”  I blurted out, which was promptly followed by my mother’s ‘shut the fuck up’ gaze. It was one of her scarier looks; not only because she looked intimidating, but it was also a real threat. I learned the hard way about ignoring the look. Let’s just say, I couldn’t sit for the rest of the day after that.

“Okay, _now_ you can go. You know the rules – don’t get into trouble. Don’t be stupid. Be home at a somewhat reasonable hour. I swear, if I ever get a call from the cops again, you won’t see the light of day, until you’re thirty. Got it?”

“Yes, ma,” I gave her my sweetest smile, and her answering smile made the brief torture almost worth it.

I grabbed Lexi’s hand, and all but dragged her out of the house. It was bad enough that we barely had any time alone in the last few days, and I wasn’t going to delay a bit of private time any more than I had to.

I heard a giggle from Lexi as I dragged her away, a light, breathless one that sounded a little nervous. I opened the door for her, earning a raised eyebrow from her.

“Where’s the real Gerard, and what have you done with him?”

“What? I can’t do something nice for my girl?”

I wanted to slap myself.

“Oh, I’m your girl, huh?”

Her smile was teasing, but her make up couldn’t hide the blush that rose to her cheeks. There was something so serious about the statement, like the words were seeking a confirmation of a fact that had felt long distinguished. We had never explicitly said what we were. I’d avoided it for fear of freaking her out (and myself, if truth be told).

“Yeah, you are.”

“So, I suppose that means you’re paying for our future…outings, from now on?”

“Is this when I point out that you live in a mansion?”

“Yeah, but it’s also when I point out that you’re hardly poor, and I _know_ you can afford it.”

“So, driving you everywhere, which costs money, isn’t enough?”

She shook her head.

“Not if you want the benefits of having a girlfriend.”

That was when she closed the gap between us, and softly brushed her lips against mine. It was a quick kiss, so light and barely there, that I almost wondered if it had happened. If it wasn’t for the way she shyly looked away, before slipping into the care, I would have thought it was a dream.

“Homecoming, here we come.”


End file.
